


TSC One Shots

by ShadowhunterTrash



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, One Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27674990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowhunterTrash/pseuds/ShadowhunterTrash
Summary: These are just one shots I've done by request for my Tumblr. people. If you want to request my tumblr is shadowhuntertrash
Relationships: Alastair Carstairs/Thomas Lightwood, Drusilla Blackthorn/Ash Morgenstern, Jesse Blackthorn/Lucie Herondale, Matthew Fairchild & Lucie Herondale, Sophie Collins/Gideon Lightwood, Tiberius Blackthorn/Kit Rook
Comments: 12
Kudos: 148





	1. "Hi, you're a stranger but that guy back there is scaring me. Can you pretend to be my boyfriend?"

**Author's Note:**

> Sophideon

Sophie wasn’t a big fan of parties. She especially didn’t enjoy parties that involved drinks. She didn’t have the best history with drunks but she had promised Tessa she would be here. They were meeting up with Jem and Will for a night out. 

They were celebrating Jem getting to go on tour with his violin. He was leaving the next day and they decided to have a last hurrah before he left. Will was already quite drunk and Tessa was a little tipsy. Jem just watched them fondly, he loved both of them so much. Sophie used to look at Jem that way before she realized he loved her but not in that way, Will and Tessa were good for him.

Sophie sighed she needed a drink, she was feeling especially lonely tonight. She leaned over and told Jem she was going to get more drinks. He flashed her a smile and told her not to get Will anymore drinks. Sophie laughed and went up to the bar.

She was looking at the menu when she started getting a weird vibe. She looked around and found a guy staring at her a few seats away. She looked away quickly but the guy had already seen her and started moving closer. She shifted away from him when he took a seat next to her. 

He smelled strongly of booze and Sophie wanted nothing more than to get her drinks and leave. Sophie smiled politely at him and he leaned forward, Sophie tried hard not to gag at the smell. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?” He slurred slumping forward with too much weight. 

Sophie shifted uncomfortably again and looked around desperately. Jem was still watching Tessa and Will. Will was currently trying to stay upright and only succeeding with the help of Tessa who was leaning against him laughing. 

Sophie’s palms started sweating as she looked back at the man in front of her. “I’m not alone.” She said somehow coming off as calm. The man lifted an eyebrow and smirked slowly sweeping the room with his eyes. “I don’t see anyone.” He said looking back at her, his eyes traveling uncomfortably down her body.

Sophie shifted again, a tight ball of anxiety forming in her stomach. She laughed nervously. “Well he’s here.” The guy gave an obnoxious, loud laugh. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” He leaned forward and Sophie leaned back, her back almost hitting the person behind her. Her hands were shaking now.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know you and I’m not interested.” Sophie said, fake confidence in her voice. She turned toward the bartender and asked for a drink. When the bartender turned away she flicked her eyes around her again, looking for a way out. Unfortunately she didn’t see anyone in the close vicinity by themselves. 

The guy gave her a crooked smile. “I’m John. It’s nice to meet you. We should get out of here.” He grabbed her waist when he said this and she tried getting out of his grasp but he tightened it and pulled her flush against him.

Sophie was panicking now. She looked around wildly and spotted a guy sitting a few seats down from John. She pulled back again to call out to him but John’s mouth was on her’s and as hard as she pushed he wasn’t budging. She bit his lip hard and he gasped pulling back.

“James!” She called, using the first name she could think of. The guy a few seats down looked up. He looked about her age, green eyes and blonde hair. He was quite attractive but Sophie didn’t have much time to dwell on that face. He looked surprised that she was speaking to him. She put on a false smile praying to anyone listening that he would go along with it. “James! There you are, I was looking for you.”

The guy raised an eyebrow but she shook her head looking at him with wide scared eyes when John turned to look at him. “Y-yeah. Sorry I was in the bathroom.” He said walking towards them. He looked a John and leaned over to Sophie and whispered a quiet, “Do I know you?”to which she said just as quietly, “Hi, you’re a stranger but that guy right there is scaring me. Can you pretend to be my boyfriend?” 

The man turned to look at her and she was shocked to find concern in his eyes. He didn’t know her, it was a bad situation but he needn’t be concerned. He looked back at John who looked incredibly annoyed. “Sorry buddy but you’re interrupting something.” The guy beside Sophie put an arm around her waist and she stiffened, he loosened the arm and looked at her briefly. 

“I do believe you’re the one interrupting. My girlfriend here was just waiting for me, and I don’t think she enjoys being harassed by drunk people who don’t know how to say no.” Sophie was surprised by the venom in his voice, so was Johnny. 

He put his hands up and stumbled back a little. “Sorry man didn’t know she was taken.” He slurred stumbling backwards. As soon as he was far enough away the man removed his arm and turned to Sophie. “Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes never leaving her face. It was a nice change from John who looked at her everywhere as if he had the right.

Sophie shuddered but nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry for bothering you.” She said awkwardly. The guy just flashed her a smile, that could easily compete with Will in the charming category. “I’m Gideon by the way.” He said reaching out his hand but waiting for her to touch him instead of the other way around. 

Sophie grabbed his hand and shook it gently, a small smile gracing her lips. “Sophie.” He smiled and dropped her hand. “What a lovely name. You’re quite beautiful.” Sophie paled, normally she would have been charmed but with the experience she just had she was quite scared that this man would be the same as the other.

Gideon seemed to come to the same conclusion. “No- Sorry that was callous. I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.” He scrambled, running a hand through his already messed up hair. “I’m really sorry I wasn’t thinking.” Sophie relaxed slightly, he seemed genuinely upset.

“It’s okay.” She said softly. Gideon grinned at her and got the coaster from under his drink and started scribbling something on it. He handed it to Sophie, scratching the back of his neck nervously with one hand. “Please don’t feel pressured to call but just, um, just if you want to. This is dumb sorry.” He said blushed, Sophie smiled at him. 

He was actually quite cute, not just look wise. He was adorably awkward and Sophie couldn’t help chuckling lightly. She took the coaster that had his number scrawled on it. “Thank you. I think I might just use it.” She said and smiled wider when Gideon’s face lit up.

He chuckled awkwardly. “I’m glad, I hope you do. Well, I better be off.” He turned to walk away before turning back to her with a frown. “Do you need a ride or anything. Are you here alone?” Sophie smiled at his concern and shook her head pointing at Jem, Tessa, and Will who were now of all times staring at her. 

“I came with them, they just weren’t looking earlier.” She said tugging a strand of her hair anxiously, feeling three pairs of eyes boring into her back. Gideon laughed softly. “I see. Tell Jem I said hello.” He said, putting hand up, waving slightly to Jem before turning around and leaving.

Sophie watched as the door shut behind him and turned to make her way back to Jem, Tessa, and Will. Will was wiggling his eyebrows and Tessa was giggling against the back of her hand while Jem just gave her a questioning look.

She blushed and looked down shaking her head. She pulled out the coaster and typed Gideon’s number in her phone, looking at Jem who was already looking at her with knowing eyes.

“He’s a good guy.” Jem said softly before letting it drop and turning to Tessa and Will. Sophie smiled at that relieved he wasn’t some jerk. She looked back at her phone and considered waiting until tomorrow to text him before deciding to just do it now.

**Sophie: Thanks for tonight ~Sophie**

**Gideon: Anytime (;**


	2. "If you steal the blanket I'm putting my cold feet on you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomastair

Thomas tossed and turned. He was absolutely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep but Alastair was hogging the blankets and it was mid winter and Thomas was _freezing_. “Alastair please.” Thomas whined, Alastair laughed shaking his head burying deeper into the blankets. Thomas tossed again turning on his right side so he was facing away from Alastair. 

He was already in a sweatshirt and pajama pants but that did nothing against the cold when Alastair had all three blankets. Thomas’ foot brushed his calf and he shivered. God his feet were cold. Thomas grinned realizing how he could get back at Alastair.

“If you steal the blanket I’m putting my cold feel on you.” Thomas said smirking at Alastair over his shoulder. Alastair looked at him with narrowed eyes, “You wouldn’t.” Thomas smiled, scooting closer to Alastair. “Try me.” Alastair stuck his lip out and smirked. “No.” 

Thomas smirked right back and put his whole foot on Alastair’s calf. Alastair gasped loudly and squirmed away. “Thomas!” Thomas laughed and put an arm around Alastair drawing him closer to his body. “You asked for it!” Thomas said laughing at Alastair’s struggling figure. “Tommy stop.” He whined Thomas laughed and moved so his foot wasn’t against Alastair anymore.

Alastair frowned at him, “If you were that cold you could have just asked. I don’t want you freezing.” Thomas gave him an exasperated look. “I did ask! You said no! Repeatedly!” Alastair frowned and then laughed softly shaking his head. “I guess I did, didn't I?” Thomas nodded closing his eyes resting back on the bed. 

He felt Alastair shifting closer and then Alastair’s head was on his chest, arm wrapping securely around Thomas’ waist and the blanket was being thrown over him. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you for the feet thing though. Not cool Tommy.” Thomas laughed and wrapped an arm around Alastair’s shoulders, already feeling warmed with Alastair’s body on him. “You love me babe, don’t even pretend.” Alastair laughed and shook his head moving so he could press a kiss to Thomas’ chest. 

“Sadly I believe I do.” Thomas smiled and nuzzled his nose in Alastair’s dark hair. Thomas closed his eyes and sighed, content. 

He was always content with Alastair. Anything he did made Thomas feel calm, as if he belonged right next to Alastair. He supposed he did, fate had plans and he wasn’t one to mess with fate. Thomas twirled a piece of Alastair’s hair and looked down at Alastair’s face. His face was twisted up in a calm smile and his eyes had fluttered closed.

He looked beautiful, he always had to Thomas. Thomas had always preferred his dark hair and wasn’t a fan of when he dyed it. He was even more against it when he figured out why Alastair had dyed it. Thomas loved everything about Alastair, and he never wanted him to hide a part of himself. Especially not that part.

Alastair’s smile turned cocky and his eyes remained closed as he said, “I know I’m attractive but I can’t sleep with you staring at me like that.” Thomas smiled lightly. “I love you.” He said in a quiet voice. Alastair’s eye snapped open and he pulled back slightly running his thumb across Thomas’ jaw. Thomas sighed and leaned into the touch. “I love you too.” Alastair said just as quietly.

Thomas smiled and opened his eyes just in time to see Alastair’s face close to his own. Alastair’s lips were always soft as opposed to Thomas’ which were always chapped. Thomas sighed contentedly into the kiss, his hand going up to cup Alastair’s face. Alastair smiled against Thomas’ lips. “I love you so much Tommy.” Thomas smiled again, pulling Alastair closer to him. “I love you too.”


	3. "Shh. Stop fussing I'm just braiding your hair!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ash x Dru

Dru was sitting in the garden between Ash’s legs with her back towards him. Ash who was currently trying to braid her hair. Ash was actually really good at braiding hair but Dru was impatient with everything and Ash kept messing up because Dru had shorter hair than he was used to doing in Fairie.

Ash had been having a stressful day and Dru had found him in the garden looking at the flowers. Dru had sat with him and they talked for a while and then Ash had asked Dru if he could braid her hair. She was a little shocked but allowed it anyway and started making a flower crown for him.

Dru had picked the flowers earlier and was now almost done weaving them into a flower crown. She groaned when Ash pulled a piece of hair too hard. “Ash that hurts.” She said rubbing her head where it was stinging slightly. Ash smacked her hand away gently. “I’m not trying to-” Dru cut him off. “But you are.” Ash groaned frustrated. “Just shh! Stop fussing, I’m just braiding your hair!”

Dru stuck her tongue out but went quiet. She had two more flowers until she finished her flower crown. Ty had taught her how to make them. Ty makes flower crowns when he’s stemming, the repetitive movement helps calm him. Dru had spent hours with Ty one day trying to get the hang of it. When she did Ty had gotten all excited and it made her excited. She still had both those flower crowns from that day.

Dru yelped when Ash pulled some hairs too tightly and collapsed back on him, trapping his hands under her back. Ash laughed and Dru just slumped further back on him sticking her tongue out. Ash just laughed harder resting his forehead on Dru’s head. “If you weren’t so cute I’d dropkick you.” Dru grumbled. 

Ash smiled against her head and kissed her hair softly, his arms abandoning the braids and wiggling out from behind her back to go around her waist. “I’m sure you would darling.” Dru smiled softly and closed her eyes resting her head against Ash’s collarbone.

They sat like that for a few minutes before Ash pushed her off gently. “Okay come on I wanna finish.” Dru groaned but obeyed picking up the flower crown again and finishing it easily. Dru sat back a little so she could place it on his head. He looked at it and smiled widely. “I love it Drusilla.”   
Dru blushed lightly and smiled at her hands as he adjusted it on his head before going back to her hair. It was oddly calming, to have someone play with your hair. She didn’t really get that anymore. Livvy used to play with it a lot, but now that was nothing more than a bittersweet memory. Helen was never one for doing hair, she believed it was best left natural. Julian was the only one who could actually do hair but he’d been so busy with everything going on that he never did it anymore. 

Dru let out a content sigh as Ash finished her braids. “I’m done!” Dru laughed and jumped up twirling in a circle to show her hair off to him. He laughed and clapped and Dru was hit by the realization that she probably looked ridiculous to onlookers, girly to no extreme but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Ash stood up and his crown fell to one side. Dru walked up to him and fixed it with a fond smile. Ash smiled back and wrapped his arms around her waist while Dru slipped hers around his neck. Dru rested her forehead against Ash’s and swayed to a tempo Ash set.

“You’re beautiful.” Ash whispered. Dru smiled and looked into his eyes. This was a new thing, them together, but him calling her beautiful wasn’t. She had never truly thought of herself as beautiful. Her siblings told her she was but all the whispered comments she heard when she walked by other shadowhunters had.

But Ash made her feel different. Not in a ‘oh finally a guy makes me feel better about myself’ kind of way. Rather in a ‘someone who believes in me who actually makes me believe in myself’ kind of way. 

He made her feel smart, and beautiful, and strong. He contradicts all the whispers and comments made behind her back. He was like the push that finally got the boulder moving. She would never be able to thank him but he didn’t need to be thanked. 

He already understood.


	4. "It's not my fault the movie's- AAAAAH"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kit x Ty

Kit loved Halloween, he always had. It was the only day his dad would let him go out on his own and trick or treat or just wander around. Kit loved the idea of having one day of the year where monsters were real to everyone and it was okay to be one. He liked how you could be the opposite of who you really were and no one would know.

So yes he loved halloween and he loved the scary aspects of it, he had watched tons of horror movies but that didn’t mean in the least bit that he was anything other than utterly terrified when he watched them.

Ty loved horror movies. He was amused by their inaccuracy and they never scared him at all because he knew they were fake and he didn’t quite understand the fact that just because they were fake it didn’t make them any less scary.

Kit on the other hand was well aware of that. He watched them with Dru a lot and she liked to tease Kit constantly over his utter horror when it came to scary movies. He couldn’t help the fact that he was more scared of It than he was of demons. Maybe it was because Johnny made a few deals with demons, or maybe it was just the fact that no one knew how to kill the monsters on screen and he was well aware of how easy it was to kill demons. Well not easy, but they were killed simply as opposed to coming back to life.

He was currently sitting on Ty’s bed with the computer resting on Kit’s right leg and Ty’s left so it was centered between the two of them. They were currently watching Sinister having just finished Nightmare on Elm Street. Kit was clinging desperately to Ty’s hand, squeezing tightly. He didn’t know how it wasn’t painful but Ty hadn’t said anything and just rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb.

Kit was trying to calm down because he knew it must be annoying Ty at this point. Everytime he jumped, the computer would jerk and fall off his lap, making it hard to watch. When an especially scary scene popped up Kit jumped sending the popcorn he had just picked up flying everywhere. 

Ty groaned and elbowed Kit. “Stop freaking out I can’t watch the movie!” Kit groaned picking popcorn up off the sheets and turned back to the computer. “It’s not my fault the movie’s scar-AAAAH!” He cut himself off with a quite unmanly scream and buried his face in Ty’s chest breathing heavily. He was too scared to care much about embarrassing himself in front of his boyfriend.

Ty was laughing hysterically and Kit blindly reached out to pause the movie. Ty helped him since he was just flailing helplessly. When the sound stopped Kit pulled away from Ty breathing heavily willing his heart to slow down. He was blushing hard and he avoided looking at Ty who was still laughing quite hard. 

Kit flopped back on the bed pulling the pillow to cover his cherry red face. He groaned loudly and Ty’s laughs quieted slightly. He tried to pull the pillow off Kit’s face but Kit just held it tighter in place. Ty laughed softly again. “Kit, come on.” He whined but Kit was far too embarrassed to take the pillow off his flaming face.

He didn’t know any other shadowhunters who got this scared over stupid movies. It was frankly absolutely mortifying. 

Ty tried to pull Kit’s hands away again to no avail. “Oh, come on Kit. I’m sorry for laughing.” Ty said softly, still tugging on the pillow. Kit just groaned and loosened his grip enough for Ty to be able to tug the pillow away. 

Ty tossed it to the end of the bed and stared at Kit for a few seconds. Kit’s face was still blazing and he was looking everywhere except Ty. Ty smiled at him and leaned forward enough to kiss Kit’s nose. 

Kit scrunched his nose and finally looked at Ty who was smiling at him, a soft look in his eyes he only reserved for his siblings and Kit. “You’re adorable, you know that?” Ty asked softly locking eyes with Kit for a moment before looking beside Kit’s eyes. Kit had grown used to this and found it oddly endearing that Ty would only look at Kit in the eyes, and sometimes (but rarely) Julian.

Kit shook his head and looked at the screen, it was frozen on a frame of a boy climbing out of a box backwards and Kit quickly averted his eyes, trembling slightly. “Sorry I keep moving the computer.” Kit mumbled quietly, Ty just shook his head laughing.

“Don’t be, it’s cute. It’s nice to know you’re not actually fearless.” Kit stuck his tongue out at him and Ty laughed again, his head thrown back and his face scrunched up. Kit knew that if he was given the chance he would spend the rest of his life watching Ty laugh like that. 

It was quite hard to get Ty to really laugh. He didn’t get many jokes, which didn’t bother Kit, and so only a few people could really make him laugh. Kit had the honor of being one of those people and was immensely proud of it. 

“Oh shove off, I am fearless I’m just doing this for your amusement.” Ty shot him an amused look and raised an eyebrow. “Oh I’m sure.” He said, wrapping an arm around Kit’s waist and pulling him closer to Ty’s body. 

Kit cuddled against Ty, molding his body against Ty’s in a way that had become a second nature in the last few months. At first it had been weird cuddling with Ty because Ty was so touch adverse and Kit was always scared Ty didn’t want him to touch him. Eventually Ty made him realize that it was really only people he didn’t know that he hated touching him and there were a few special people he actually really loved to touch him. Kit was one of those people as well.

Kit grabbed Ty’s hand and intertwined their fingers causally. Ty tightened his hold around Kit’s waist and pulled him impossibly closer. Kit smiled up at him and kissed him gently on the cheek before resting his head on Ty’s chest.

“Are you ready to finish the movie?” Ty asked teasingly. Kit just smirked and squeezed Ty’s hand, eyes never leaving the screen. “As long as I have my knight in shining armor to protect me I’ll be fine.”


	5. "Shh. Stop fussing I'm just braiding your hair!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jordelia

It was a calm day, one of the few James and his friends had, and they (James, Matthew, Christopher, Thomas, Alastair, Anna, Ariadne, Lucie, and Cordelia) were all hanging out in the room above the Devil Tavern.

Christopher was doing an experiment in his corner, Anna and Ariadne were wrapped up in a conversation nearby, Anna occasionally sending anxious glances towards Christopher. Thomas was asleep on the couch with his head in Alastair’s lap while Alastair read a book with one hand, the other running through Thomas’ hair. Matthew was reading one of Lucie’s writings while she told him animatedly about her ideas for another story she was going to write.

Cordelia was currently sitting on a chair in the corner, James sat on the ground between her legs as she braided his shaggy black hair. It wasn’t too long but it was just the right length to put small braids in. 

Cordelia was trying her hardest to not pull James’ hair but it wasn’t helping that he was so tender headed. “Daisy, as much as I love you, which is a lot, that hurts like hell.” He said rubbing a sore spot on the back of his head. Cordelia laughed and massaged the spot gently. “Oh shh! Stop fussing, I'm just braiding your hair. It’s not even all of it!” She said, dropping a gentle kiss to the spot.

James smiled softly up at her and stuck his tongue out in a playful manner. Cordelia just laughed and went back to his hair. When she got back into the soothing repetitive pattern of braiding she let her eyes drift.

Although she hadn’t known Anna very long, she was happy that Anna was getting her happy ending. She was happy for Ariadne too, for allowing herself to grow into her own soul and not the soul others forced upon her.

She was happy for Lucie as well. She would always be happy for her parabatai, no matter what. She was extremely happy that Lucie finally had her prince charming. She was exceedingly glad that Jesse was very aware of how much she wasn’t in the need of one but was there at the first sign that she might.

She was happy for Matthew as well. She knew he wasn’t quite at his happy ending yet but it was a comforting thought that he was finally making his way to it. She was glad Matthew was finally getting sober, it was a rough journey and Cordelia had already seen many bad moments in his fight but she was glad he was getting through it all with the help of his friends and family.

She turned her gaze to Alastair and Thomas. She had never seen her brother as happy as he was with Thomas. She would never be able to thank Thomas enough for it. She knew it was a two way thing, that Thomas needed Alastair as much as Alastair needed him. She was happy they had found solace in each other. She was glad that he had chosen Thomas instead of Charles, someone who wasn’t afraid or embarrassed to show his relationship with Alastair instead of secret meetings and the constant fear of being discovered. She owed everything to Alastair and the fact that he was finally doing well made her happier than she thought possible. Her brother deserved the world and she was glad he had found his.

She moved her eyes back to James and felt a small smile graced her lips. Of course, she had also gotten her happy ending with her James. After all they went through, the rumors, the false engagement, the heartbreak, after everything she finally got her James.

Her fairy tale prince that Lucie always told her she would get. The boy who knew she could fight for herself but also never made her. Her strong, powerful, beautiful James who made her feel ways she never thought possible.

Cordelia gave a contented sigh looking around the room again. When her eyes landed back on James, something that happened subconsciously at this point, she found his golden eyes already looking at her. She smiled at him and kissed his nose, putting a small band in his hair to hold the braid.

James smiled at her and rested his head on her knees. “I’m the luckiest man in the world, Daisy, to have wound up with you.” He said quietly in a way that made Cordelia’s heart flip in her ribcage. She gave a kind smile in return and shook her head. “Not as lucky as you’ve made me James Herondale.” 

James scoffed and turned around so he could rest his folded arms on her knees, dropping his chin on his arms, giving Cordelia a goofy grin. “Love, I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you. I find myself incredibly lucky and indebted to you.” Cordelia blushed and shook her head laughing softly.

He smiled at her and put his hand gently on her face tugging her softly towards him until they met halfway in a soft kiss that Cordelia would never get used to. So many daydreams as a kid that would never compare to actually having James.

Someone cleared their throat and they broke apart looking over at Alastair who was looking at them with a raised eyebrow and Thomas, now awake, rolling his eyes. James blush lightly while Cordelia just gave Alastair a ‘really?’ look. Alastiar shook his head. 

“You two are sickeningly sweet. Everytime I see you together y’all are being ridiculously cute, stop it.” Thomas laughed and shook his head while Matthew raised an amused eyebrow at Alastair. “They’re the ones who are always being sickeningly sweet? I don’t think so.” Matthew said and Thomas laughed louder turning his face up to Alastair who was pouting now. 

“Alastair darling, they have a point.” Alastair was full on pouting at this point. “Tommy you’re supposed to be on my side here.” Thomas shook his head laughing quietly before pecking Alastair’s lips and laying back in his lap. 

Cordelia turned back to James and shook her head while James laughed. He leaned up and kissed her cheek before laying his head in her lap. It was a good day and she hoped against all hope that there would be more.


	6. "Don't leave me!" + "I'll always be here to protect you." Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophideon

Sophie had been fighting demons for three years now, she was very good at it, having had the sight and been a maid at the institute for many years before she ascended. She had taken to patrolling with either Gideon or Cecily most nights, occasionally patrolling with Gabriel or Will. 

Tonight was a big night as they were looking for a pack of roughly seven Moloch demons. Because it was a big night Sophie had opted to spend it with Gideon, Cecily, Gabriel, and Will. They had decided to split up when they had been there an hour with no activity. Sophie had gone with Cecily as the boys went closer to where the activity had been reported. 

Cecily was talking about her upcoming wedding with Gabriel while her all seeing eyes swept the dark alleyways. She was about to tell Sophie about her wedding dress when Sophie shushed her and spun around to where she heard rustling. Cecily turned and was by Sophie’s side in seconds. 

They watched as ten Moloch demons rose from the shadows and towered over them. They raised their weapons collectively and started fighting without as much as a second thought as the demons sprang at them.

Sophie thought desperately of how to contact the boys for help but nothing was coming to mind as she fought off the demon. Her thoughts were cut off by a piercing scream. Sophie’s head whipped around as she searched for Cecily and saw her crouching in a corner, two demons blocking her in. 

She was clutching her arm to her chest and Sophie could see her chest heaving from where she stood. Sophie flung her seraph blade as hard as she could and it plunged deep into one of the demon's backs, the other was momentarily distracted and Cecily seized the opportunity to stab the demon who wasn’t blocking her way any longer.

Sophie didn’t have much time before another demon was on her, they had only managed to kill three and there were two more that had appeared. Sophie slashed helplessly at the demon and soon heard the sound of hurried footsteps drawing closer. 

She prayed that it was the boys and not some stupid mundane’s who could get hurt. Sure enough not two minutes later she heard Gabriel and Will’s voices at the same time. “Who screamed?!” Neither herself nor Cecily stopped to answer as they were both engaged with two demons each; the other demons seemed to enjoy watching the two Shadowhunter women fight.

Soon Gideon was by her side and fighting with his back to hers. They were soon overpowering the demons and as Gideon finished one off, Sophie went to Will who was currently fighting off two demons alone. She was struck again by just how strange it was to see Will fighting without Jem by his side. 

It had been three years and Sophie still couldn’t get over the heart wrenching change. She shook her head forcefully, now was not the time to be sad. She had to focus.

Once she had killed the demon she looked around. Gideon was wiping his blade on his leather jacket, his skin was covered in ichor and Sophie made a mental note to draw him an iratze when they were finished. Gabriel and Cecily were finishing off the last one, Cecily was favoring one arm and Sophie felt a spike of alarm go through her, the injury must have been worse than she thought.

Before she could think anything else, her stomach seemed to catch on fire. She opened her mouth in a silent scream, no sound coming out at all. She looked down and was startled to see a puddle of blood soaking through her uniform. Her first thought was of the burning feeling tearing through her entire body, the second that this was Cecily’s uniform and she had destroyed it. The third thing she felt was an uneasy numbness soothing the burning feeling she felt.

She distantly realized that this was not a good thing and was actually a very very bad thing but she couldn’t bring herself to care much since the feeling of being on fire was gone.

She fell to her knees, the rocky ground cutting into her legs as she fell. She was holding her stomach, alarmed at how much blood there was. The world was moving too slow and she couldn’t move as fast as normal. She lifted her eyes when she felt large hands on her shoulders, keeping her upright. She saw the floppy black hair and realized it was Will.

He was saying something but she couldn’t quite make it out. It sounded as if she was hearing it from underwater. Something about killing the demon and stabbing. The next thing she knew his hands were replaced by warmer hands and she knew immediately it was Gideon. 

Gideon’s blonde hair came into her vision and she watched as his concerned face hovered in her vision. She felt awful for worrying him, he already had so much on his plate she felt awful for making him stress over yet another thing. 

She tried to smile but the look on Gideon’s face informed her that it only made things worse. She reached weakly for him and he grabbed her hand, lowering her body so that she was laying down with her head in his lap.

“Gid.” She whispered, her voice sounded weak in her own ears. She felt something wet land on her face and at first she thought it was raining until she realized with a shock that it was Gideon’s tears. Gideon was crying for her.

Sophie tried to shake her head. “Gideon please don’t cry. I’m okay.” She said reaching a hand up to his face. He just sobbed harder and held her hand tightly against his cheek. He kissed it before turning back to her. “You’re right you’re okay. You’ll be okay Soph, I’ve got you. You’ll be okay.” His voice broke on the last word and Sophie felt worse about making him cry. 

Gideon gently lifted her off his lap and started to get up. Sophie gasped, half in pain and half in disagreement. “Don’t leave me!” She said desperately clinging to him. He took her hand in his again, hesitating slightly before calling to Gabriel and Will to go get help. Gideon sat back down and pulled her back into his lap.

He brushed her hair out of her face. “Does it hurt my love?” He asked softly, tears still falling down his cheeks. Sophie shook her head and lifted her arm, which was steadily growing heavier, to wipe some tears away from his face. He nuzzled into her hand before she dropped it, unable to hold it up anymore. “I can’t feel it.” Sophie whispered and Gideon let out a pitiful sound.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been watching you. I should have protected you.” Sophie shook her head again slowly, talking slower than normal since she was having a hard time keeping up with Gideon’s words. “If you had spent the whole time watching me I would have been rightfully offended. I can stand my own ground.” She said with a weak laugh that turned into a cough. Gideon squeezed her hand. “I should’ve protected you.” He said again, pain evident in his voice. Sophie wondered briefly if this was hurting him more than her.

“When I’m all b-better, you’ll still be here to protect me.” She said fighting the urge to close her eyes, not wanting to alarm him. Gideon gave a slightly hysterical laugh. “I’ll always be here to protect you.” He said leaning down to kiss her forehead.

And I you, Sophie tried to say but the words died on her lips and her eyes starting drifting closed. The last thing she heard before the world went black was a quiet whisper.

“Please don’t leave me.”


	7. "Don't leave me!" + "I'll always be here to protect you." Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sophideon

Sophie woke to a stabbing pain in her stomach. She gasped quietly and put her hand to her stomach, the memories of the attack flooding her thoughts. She cursed quietly and started sitting up.

She felt two large warm hands on her shoulders pushing her back gently. “Oh god Sophie I thought you were dead.” She heard Gideon’s broken voice in front of her, her eyes drifted up and she saw Gideon’s green eyes. He sat down beside her pulling her into a half hug and she laid her head on his chest curling up slightly.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” Sophie said softly rubbing her stomach which was still burning. The numbness had gone away and she knew that was a good thing but she couldn’t bring herself to care about what was good and bad when her stomach felt like it was on fire.

“Don’t apologize I’m just glad you’re okay.” Gideon said softly, his arm tightening around Sophie’s waist. She buried her head in his neck and whimpered softly. The burning sensation was growing worse by the minute. “Soph, what’s wrong?” Gideon whispered urgently. Sophie took a deep breath before murmuring, “Stomach” softly into Gideon’s neck. 

Gideon pulled away cursing under his breath. Normally Sophie would get onto him for that but the pain was making her head fuzzy. He pulled out his stele and drew three iratzes on her stomach.

Gideon put his stele away when Sophie gave a sigh of relief when the burning went down to a minimum. “I’m so sorry Sophie, Jem had told me to make sure to put iratzes around it every hour and I was about to but you woke up.” His voice was full of guilt and Sophie just shook her head fiercely. “Don’t worry about that darling, I’m okay. It didn’t hurt that bad.” She lied, bringing her hand up to cup Gideon’s cheek. 

He sighed and his eyes fluttered closed. “I know it was hurting, you don’t have to hide that.” Sophie smiled slightly, she never had been able to lie to him. She didn’t know if it was because she was bad at lying when it came to him or if he just knew her well enough to know her tells.

“I thought you died.” He said softly, his eyes shut tightly and Sophie knew he was seeing her bloody body again. “Gideon look at me.” She said softly and waited until his watery green eyes met hers. 

“I’m not dead. I’m right here. I’m okay and I’m right here. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” She said jokingly, smiling at him. He let out a watery laugh and shook his head. 

“Marry me.” He said, the words loud in the quiet room. Sophie froze. “What?” She whispered, not quite believing her ears. “Marry me.” He said firmer than the first time. Sophie shook her head slowly but his hopeful eyes didn’t waver.   
“Gideon, if you’re only asking me this because I could’ve died I’m going to say no.” Gideon shook his head roughly. “No no no! I mean yes I guess it kind of set things into motion but I have been thinking about it for a while and when you were lying there- I honestly thought you were dead and Sophie I cannot live without you in my life. If there is no you there is no me. Please Sophie marry me.” Sophie stared at him for a moment, her vision going blurry with unshed tears.

She shook her head a wide smile breaking out across her face, Gideon gave her a relieved smile back. She leaned forward and hugged him tightly, he hugged her back just as fiercely. “Gideon Lightwood I would want nothing more.” She whispered through tears. He tightened his grip and then let go.

He pulled away with a ridiculously large smile on his lips. “Good because this is for you.” He pulled out a ring and Sophie gasped. It was the Lightwood family ring. A big ‘L’ in the middle being engulfed in flames. Sophie laughed giddily as she slipped the perfectly sized ring on her finger.

She was about to say something when the door burst open. Cecily came rushing in, a smile plastered on her face. “Oh my god Sophie! This is so exciting! We can discuss wedding details together!” Tessa and Gabriel were standing awkwardly behind her, blushing slightly. Sophie laughed as Gideon’s hand found hers.

She had known Cecily was a nosy little thing, she should have expected her to be listening in. Cecily hugged Sophie tightly, pulling away and bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Are you okay?” Sophie asked suddenly, feeling bad for only just now remembering that Cecily had also gotten hurt. 

Cecily waved her off. “Oh I’m fine, I got a pretty cool scar though.” She said, all smiled despite the conversation being held. Gabriel scoffed and rolled his eyes behind her. Cecily, like Will, had a tendency to be danger prone and not care much about her well being. Gabriel found it just as annoying as Tessa did.

“I should really be the one asking you that Sophie. You gave us all quite a scare. Jem was in here with you for quite some time.” Cecily said, ceasing her bouncing. Gabriel came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she, seemingly without second thought, curled into his side. “I’m quite alright, although I am sorry for scaring you.” She said looking at them all.

Gabriel smiled at her and shook his head. “It’s quite alright. You should have seen Gideon though, he was quite a mess. Not to say I’m glad you got hurt but at least he finally asked your hand. That’s all he’s been talking about for the past month.” Gideon threw a pillow at his little brother who easily dodged it with a laugh.   
“Have you really been thinking about it for a month?” Sophie asked, surprised. Gideon blushed lightly and nodded, Sophie just shook her head again in wonder. Gideon never ceased to surprise her.

Tessa cleared her throat and four pairs of eyes found their way to her. “I do believe they have much to discuss. Cecily, could you be a dear and come with me to inform Charlotte of what has happened?” Cecily nodded enthusiastically and hugged Sophie once more before darting out of the room with Tessa.

Gabriel watched her go with a fond expression Sophie never saw unless it was focused on Cecily. He walked over and clapped Gideon on the shoulder, a proud look on his face. “Congratulations brother, I do hope you don’t break her heart because if you do I shall break your nose.” Sophie laughed and Gideon punched him lightly in the arm. “I thought you were on my side!” Gabriel laughed and started walking towards the door. “I am which is why I must inform you it is in the best interest of everyone if you break her bed and not her heart.” Sophie burst out laughing, louder than before and Gideon blushed a dark red. “Gabriel!” He said loudly, embarrassed.

Gabriel ignored him and turned to Sophie with a wink. “I am glad you’re alright Sophie.” Sophie smiled at him. “Thank you, now go watch after that girl of yours.” Gabriel laughed and bid them goodbye before closing the door softly behind him.

Sophie turned to Gideon, her injury forgotten in all the excitement. “I do believe we have quite a lot to discuss.” She said smiling brightly at Gideon who returned it easily. He leaned back against the pillows and put an arm out, an invitation for Sophie to cuddle into him. She did so, putting her head on his chest, hearing the steady thump of his heartbeat. “I believe we do, but now rest.” Gideon said smiling at the ceiling, a hand running calmingly through her dark curls. Sophie smiled and let her eyes flutter closed. 

_They were getting married._


	8. "I'll always be here to protect you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesse x Lucie

Lucie sat on the edge of her bed feeling caged in. She had spent the entire month trying to find ways to bring Jesse back that didn’t involve murder. She was absolutely exhausted, having slept a little over four hours every day the past week and a half.

She knew her parents and brother were worried, as well as the rest of the merry thieves but she couldn’t exactly tell them that she fancied a ghost who had saved James’ life and now had no chance of being alive.

Her heart was racing and she felt as if the institute was far too small. Lucie stood up quickly, the chair she had been sitting in falling backwards loudly as she staggered out of her room. James poked his head out of his room looking for the noise and was alarmed to see his little sister stumbling down the stairs. 

James rushed after her, passing his father who yelled after him to stop running. James was only a few feet behind Lucie as she burst through the doors gasping for air. “Lucie!” James said falling to his knees next to Lucie who was sitting on the ground breathing raggedly. “Luce come on what’s wrong!” James said urgently, checking her over and only stopping when he decided she wasn’t hurt visibly.

“Come on Lucie talk to me.” James said tilting his head so he could look into her eyes. Her blue eyes wide and fearful. It reminded James of the times he had woken her up from nightmares. Her mind was a beautiful thing, her imagination proved to be wonderful but they also made scary things all the scarier.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” Lucie said breathlessly, taking deep breaths to calm herself. “I’m quite alright James really, I just need to clear my mind for a bit. I’ll be back soon, cover for me?” She asked, looking hopefully at her brother who was regarding her with skeptical eyes. “Lucie are you sure you’re alright?” Lucie nodded reaching out to hug her brother. 

James held her tightly, they could get on each other’s nerves but James was highly protective of her and never wanted to see her upet. She pulled back and stood up, dusting off her dress which was now covered in dirt and filth. James sat up too and watched his sister, she had calmed considerably and seemed to be alright. James reluctantly agreed to let her go walk whatever happened off with the promise that he would cover for her if their parents asked.

Lucie walked into the darkness of the night. She had always loved nighttime, she worked best in it. Her creativity ran wild, her pen seemed to take a mind of its own, her spirit took flight. She had always loved it.

She shivered to herself, cursing the fact that she left without a jacket. She didn’t know where she was going but somehow she ended up at the Devil’s Tavern. She walked in and was greeted by Polly who gave her a wide smile and got her some water. Lucie thanked her gratefully and started her way up to the Merry Thieves room.

Lucie was stopped midway when a werewolf, whom she had never seen before. “This place doesn’t take kindly to shadowhunters.” The werewolf hissed, teeth bared. Lucie straightened and held her head high, not about to back down. “My friends and I are welcome, we are not like most shadowhunters.”

The werewolf glowered at Lucie, who was still holding her ground. “All shadowhunters are the same, taking what they think is theirs, walking around with confidence they don’t deserve.” Lucie’s courage plummeted as the werewolves friends came to stand beside their friend.

“I don’t want trouble, I was just going upstairs.” Lucie said, trying to keep the fear and anger out of her voice. The werewolf laughed and brought it’s clawed hand up. “I’m trying to be civil here, we don’t think of you as monsters but if you want to act like one then be my guest.” Lucie snapped, exhaustion loosening her filter considerably. 

The werewolf’s eye flashed and before Lucie could comprehend what was happening the werewolf’s claws were slicing through her arm. Lucie gasped and fell backwards, her eyes squinching in pain.

Suddenly the werewolf howled in pain and started swatting around her face at random things that kept flying at her face. Books, glasses, and even a chair seeming to be floating by itself hitting the werewolf and his friends. Many people were freaking out thinking it was a demon or warlock, Lucie however, had the pleasure of seeing Jesse throw things at the werewolf.

Jesse turned to Lucie and pointed upstairs, she didn’t need to be told twice as she dashed upstairs and away from the werewolves. She was shaking when she burst through the door, her hand covering her injury. 

Lucie cursed herself for not having gotten her stele before she left. She pulled her hand away and frowned when it came away covered in blood. Lucie groaned before getting a knife from Matthew’s side of the room and cutting her sleeve off, it was a new dress but she’d already ruined it with the blood.

It didn’t take long for Jesse to arrive looking murderous. “Bloody beast, you weren’t even doing anything.” He said walking quickly toward Lucie, watching her arm intensely as to inspect the wound. He frowned at it then turned his eyes to Lucie. “Where’s your stele?” He asked, looking around. Lucie shrugged, rubbing some blood away with a soft hiss. “I left it at the institute, didn’t think I’d need it.” Jesse sighed and quickly went to the bathroom, Lucie trailing after him, to fetch a wet towel.

He told her to sit on the table so he could better see her arm. He was still frowning as he took a place behind her so he could see the gash that was just out of Lucie’s field of sight. She was hit again by the immense sadness she got when she thought too long about Jesse. How he could have been doing this for her if he had not saved her brother’s life. 

She was very grateful of course, she just sorely missed being able to touch Jesse. Missed the feeling of his hands on her arm, guiding her way easily.

Jesse cleared his throat and handed her the cloth, instructing her where to place it, not that she needed him too with the stinging she felt. After a few minutes it wasn’t bleeding that bad anymore but she knew she would have to ask James to give her an iratze when she got home.

Jesse was watching her with unreadable eyes. “Why were you out so late?” He asked softly, searching her face for something. Lucie looked away not sure of what to say. “I couldn’t sleep and I needed to get out of the institute.” She settled on, raising her eyes back to Jesse’s.

He sighed and nodded before sitting, well as much as he could, on the couch. Lucie couldn’t take it any longer and said, “I’m sorry, for what happened, with James. It’s my fault.” Jesse’s head shot up and he shook his head vigorously before walking back over to Lucie.

“No. Lucie no, please don’t think that.” He said bringing his hand up to her face before hesitating, his hand close to her face but not quite touching, and dropping his hand. He had a stubborn look in his green eyes. “That was not your fault Lucie, I did that all myself.” Lucie closed her eyes, embarrassed as she felt a hot tear roll down her face.

“But it was. If I hadn’t made you go you would be fine. I forced you Jesse you didn’t want to go.” She said wiping her tears away only for more to come. Jesse shook his head again, a sad look in his haunted eyes. “Lucie Herondale, I don’t regret it. It was your brother’s life or mine and I wasn’t alive anyway. I wouldn’t change my choice. I know what it’s like to die young, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

Lucie let out a strangled sob. It made sense what he was saying but she couldn’t help the drowning guilt she held. “I don’t need to be alive. Think about it this way, sure I could touch people but only you, Grace, and my mother could see me. Now all the Herondale’s can see me. I’ll always be here Lucie, always. I’ll always be here to protect you.” He added in a quiet voice.

Lucie shook her head, tears still falling. She had given up trying to wipe them away. “I’m still sorry.” She said looking down, Jesse sighed. “I’m not.” He said firmly, his hand coming back up, hesitating again before bringing his hand against her skin.

Lucie had expected the cold feeling that came when a ghost touched you, the echo of a once warm hand. She hadn’t, however, expected to feel a real, solid hand, albeit still cold, on her cheek. Jesse was touching her, actually touching her. His broad hand catching the tears that were falling. Jesse looked just as surprised as she felt.

She watched him for a second before giving a slightly breathless laugh.  
“Bloody hell.”


	9. "Umm... I'm kinda... chronically ill?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Malec

Alec worked at a small coffee shop in the middle of Brooklyn. It wasn’t very well known but it was cozy and they had a lot of regulars. Alec typically worked the register due to his constant tiredness and inability to move around too much.

Alec was diagnosed with lung cancer when he was twelve, they had all expected him to die by the time he was thirteen at most he would live to be fifteen, but here he was eighteen years old and still suffering.

He often wondered if it was really worth it, being alive. If being dead was the only way to stop the cancer why couldn’t it just kill him already. But it hadn’t and so he tried his best to live a normal life. Go to school, work, be a good sibling.

He wasn’t sure when his last day would be, but he tried to ignore that. The only thing he did that was a conscious decision because of his illness was the fact that he didn’t make friends, or bond with new people. It wasn’t fair when he was past his expiration date.

Which was why he found it annoying and endearing at the same time, when one of their regulars would ask him out every time they came in. 

His name was Magnus Bane and the only appropriate way to describe him was sparkly. He was always wearing glitter, and he always had a smile. He was such a bright presence that you wouldn’t help but look up when he came in.

In all honesty Alec would absolutely love to go out with Magnus, but he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to cause this stranger unnecessary pain so everyday when Magnus came in at exactly noon and asked him out he said no. He had gotten creative at this point, it was basically a game.

Everyday went the same, Magnus would throw him a flirty wink as he took his coffee and would ask him to dinner or for a walk or for coffee (which Alec thought was the best date but he may just be biased) and everyday Alec would kindly decline, “Sorry I have homework.” or “Sorry I’m not gay.” Which was the biggest lie he could tell but Magnus didn’t need to know that, not that he believed the lie anyway.

So when Magnus came in that day, looking fabulous as always, and started flirting with Alec, Alec got terribly annoyed. He wanted Magnus. He wanted to go on a date. He wanted to date, period. He had never had a girlfriend or boyfriend due to his illness and it was torture having to turn this incredibly hot guy down six days a week.

Magnus winked at him when he handed Alec the money. Alec smiled politely back, wiping his hands on his apron before taking the money. “You know Alexander, I do love a man in a uniform.” Magnus said biting his thumb while he let his eyes travel unselfconsciously over Alec’s body. 

Alec lost his cool and put his hand on the counter so roughly Magnus’ eyebrows raised. “Could you not? Maybe some people enjoy this but I don't. It's creepy, stop it.” Alec said, glaring at Magnus who actually looked a little sheepish. “I didn’t know it really bothered you that much. I'm sorry.” Magnus said quietly looking at his shoes, a rosy blush raising on his cheeks. Alec cursed and closed his eyes.

He hadn’t meant to hurt Magnus’ feelings; he was just annoyed. “I-I’m sorry that was mean. It doesn’t bother me. I mean it does but not for the reason you’re thinking.” Alec muttered under his breath looking anyway but Magnus.

Magnus lifted his eyes back up, their normal light dimmed considerably. “Then why does it bother you Alexander?” Alex blushed at the use of his full name. No one called him Alexander except his parents when they’re mad but Alec didn’t seem to mind much when Magnus did.

Alec let out a deep breath and turned back to Magnus. “Well you see… it’s just… umm… I’m kinda...chronically ill? So you don’t really wanna date me, sorry.” He said cursing his cancer for the umpteenth time.

Magnus’ eyes widened considerably and he opened his mouth only to close it multiple times. Alec sighed knowing he had just scared this hot guy away. He turned away from Magnus and went to make his coffee while Magnus thought that over.

He hesitantly stepped back towards Magnus who was staring at him again. Alec shifted awkwardly before handing Magnus his coffee. “I’m really sorry, just so you know you don’t have to keep asking out of pity. I totally understand not wanting to date someone chronologically ill.” Alec said scratching the back of his neck, biting his lip. Magnus sat his coffee on the counter giving Alec a hard look.

“Alexander, I apologize if I gave you that impression, it just shocked me is all. I would like you to know that I am still going to ask you out and it’s not because of pity I guarantee you.” Magnus said softly, Alec laughed a little. “I don’t think you understand, it’s not just chronic, it’ll kill me.” Alec said slowly.

Magnus visibly flinched, frowning at Alec. “I will still ask you out unless you genuinely wish me to stop. As sad as that is, and it truly is Alexander, it just gives me more reason to ask you out now.” Alec stared at him for a few moments before slowly shaking his head, a smile crawling across his face. “Okay.”

Magnus’ eyes widened again, a smile breaking across his face. “Wait really?” Alec laughed and nodded, laughing harder when Magnus literally jumped up and down. “Yes! I don’t have to drink coffee anymore!”

Now it was Alec’s turn to raise an eyebrow, Magnus pursed his lips and looked at the ground. “I-I just mean, haha well, umm. I don’t like coffee.” Magnus said laughing again, Alec blinked at him in surprise. “Then why do you come here everyday?” Alec asked confused.. Who would come and get overpriced coffee every single day if they didn’t like coffee? 

Magnus watched him with amused eyes. “It gives me an excuse to see you and ask you out everyday.” Magnus says nonchalantly, the shy blushing side leaving as fast as it came. Alec laughed loudly, his head thrown back, eyes shut. “You came here, every, single, day, just to ask me out?” Alec asked incredulously, Magnus smiled confidently as he said, “Yep.” and popped the ‘p’.

Alec laughed again before taking Magnus’ cup back and writing his number neatly on the side. Magnus looked at his cup as if it had just done something beautiful. “Ah how cliche this is.” Alec shook his head a stupid smile still on his face. Izzy was going to freak out when he told her.

Magnus shook himself out of his daze and raised his coffee. “Thank you for this and I will see you, Alexander, after work.” Alec nodded, watching amused as Magnus walked backwards out of the coffee shop, not once hitting a chair. Alec knew if he tried that he would have fallen almost immediately.

Alec turned away from the door, not bothering to try and cover his growing smile. He had a date with an attractive guy who didn’t care that he was sick. Alec grabbed his phone, thanking whatever god there was that it was a slow day at work as he pressed Izzy’s name on his phone.

She picked up on the second ring and Alec smiled as her voice floated through the phone. “Aren’t you at work?” She asked him immediately. Alec rolled his eyes, smile never faltering. “You’ll never guess what just happened.” ____________________________________________________________________________

Alec and Magnus ended up having a great date, which led to many more, and then they had been dating for three months.

They were basically inseparable and when Magnus wasn’t at Alec and Jace’s apartment, Alec was at his. Alec’s health was getting better much to everyone’s amazement, Alec stayed cautious as he always was and Magnus was amazing and always asking if something was too much or if he just wanted to stay in. Magnus liked going on walks and so did Alec but he always had a hard time so Magnus would give Alec piggy back rides everywhere.

They were in Magnus’ apartment watching Eli and Niomi’s No Kiss List when Alec felt a burning in his chest. He was rubbing his chest attempting to calm it before Magnus noticed. He was hoping that it wouldn’t be the start of something that would eventually lead him to the hospital but when he found it getting harder to breathe he excused himself and went to the bathroom to call Jace.

He knew Jace would stay calm and make sure he was alright, he knew Magnus would too but he doubted Magnus’ ability to stay calm when Alec was in so much pain. 

Jace picked up on the first ring with a chipper ‘hello!’. Alec let out a shuddering breath, his chest felt like it was caving in. “Hospital.” He said quietly holding his chest, waiting for a break from the pain. Jace’s playful tone left immediately. 

“Alec where are you?” He asked urgently, his keys jingling in the background and then the sound of the door shutting. “Magnus’. About to leave.” He said weakly. Jace cursed and Alec heard his door shut. “I’ll meet you there.” He said before hanging up. Alec sat the phone down and looked at himself in the mirror.

He was too pale and his eyes held too much pain. Alec cursed quietly, embarrassed at this having happened in front of Magnus. He was worried it would scare him off, seeing it in person as opposed to hearing about it.

Alec walked into the living room slowly, walking getting hard with the lack of air he was getting. “Magnus.” He said quietly, too quietly since Magnus didn’t turn around and laughed at something in the movie.

“Mags.” Alec said louder this time. Magnus turned around with a smile on his face, one that quickly fell when he saw Alec. “Hospital.” Alec said shakily as he walked to the door. Magnus cursed loudly and started frantically looking around for his keys. Once he found them he came over to Alec who was bracing himself on the door way, breathing too heavily.

Magnus watched him with wide eyes and Alec felt a wave of guilt wash over him for having scared Magnus. Alec tried to smile reassuringly, but it was interrupted by the worst pain yet. Alec gasped and his legs gave out sending him crashing to the floor. Magnus caught him before he fell, adjusting him so he could carry Alec to the car.

Alec finally let himself cry and buried his head in Magnus’ chest whimpering softly. “It hurts.” He said quietly, shaking from lack of oxygen. Magnus was running now, he hadn't waited for the elevator instead running down the stairs. Normally Alec would be scared that Magnus was running so fast and concerned he would be dropped, but Alec couldn’t focus on anything other than the immense burning in his chest.

Magnus kissed the top of his head murmuring a comforting, “I know.” quietly before finally reaching his car and setting Alec as gently as he could in the passenger seat. Alec just curled into himself as if he could protect his lungs from the disease currently killing him.

He had a small moment of panic realizing that this could be it. He could genuinely, truly be dying right now. He quickly decided he would rather have death than having to endure the pain any longer. 

Magnus was driving crazy and Alec wanted to tell him to slow down, to stop and focus but he couldn’t force anymore words out of his mouth. His vision was starting to spot, little stars messing his sight up. He closed his eyes instead, willing them to go away but they just got worse.

Alec reached blindly for Magnus’ hand and Magnus quickly latched onto it. Alec squeezed his hand tightly, something he always did to Jace when he wasn’t able to talk anymore. It was comforting to feel Magnus squeeze his hand back. He was going to be fine, he had to be. 

And with that thought everything went black.

____________________________________________________________________________

Alec had expected the event to scare Magnus away but Magnus did the opposite. He seemed to understand the severity of Alec’s condition and Jace had talked to him while Alec was unconscious. 

Magnus was now constantly asking if Alec was okay and if anything hurt. It was annoying most of the time but it was nice to know Magnus cared so much.

When they reached their tenth anniversary, Alec moved in with Magnus. It had been good timing since Jace had been wanting to live with Clary. Clary moved into Alec’s old apartment with Jace and Alec moved in with Magnus.

When Alec’s birthday came around everyone threw him a big party, a ‘congratulations you haven't died yet!’ kind of party. Quite honestly Alec was also surprised. 

He had never had much to live for, just his siblings, but Magnus made him want to live. He made him want to try things, not just to exist, but to make the best of it. For once he was living not to die, but to have fun. He was living for himself. Magnus made him happier than he ever thought possible.

Which was why when the expected happened, he was ready.

____________________________________________________________________________

Alec got a lot worse around the time of their one year mark. He found it harder to breathe a lot of the time, as if an elephant had taken permanent residence on his chest. Alec knew it was coming, so did everyone else but Magnus refused to accept it.

“You’re not going to die. It’s not allowed, you can’t leave me.” Alec frowned. There wasn’t much he could do about the fact that he wasn’t always going to be here. “Mags. I know you don’t like thinking about it but it will be so much worse if you don’t accept the fact that it’s happening.” Magnus glared at him. “I don’t want to.” He said as if that was the end of the argument. 

“Magnus, stop it. I’m going to die and you’re going to have to find someone else to make you happy. You’re my boyfriend and I love you so much, but I am not going to be here and you have to move on when I’m gone. You have to.” Alec was winded by his short rant but he stopped breathing completely when Magnus said in a quiet voice, “I don’t want to be your boyfriend.” 

Alec froze for a moment before looking away, embarrassed at the tears in his eyes. He knew this was coming so why was he getting so upset? “I-If you don’t want to be my boyfriend Magnus i am not going to force you to.” Magnus eyes went wide and he surged forward hugging Alec tightly. “God no. No, no, no. That is not what I meant.”

Magnus was rubbing soothing circles on his back and Alec had to take a few shuddery breaths before he found his voice. “Then what did you mean?” Alec asked, weaker than he meant to. 

Magnus pulled away from his with a determined look in his eyes. “We should get married. I don’t want to be your boyfriend that sounds too insignificant. I want to be your husband. I want to give you your happy ever after.” Alec froze again before shaking his head. “Mags no. I can’t do that to you.” Magnus shook his head, eyes narrowed in thought. “Yes you can. I’m asking you, Alexander.” 

Alec smiled sadly at him and shook his head. “It’ll just break your heart.” Alec said slowly, eyes cast downward. Magnus tilted Alec’s head up with his finger, eyes locked on each other. “Then break it Alexander. I give you permission. Shatter it.” Alec faltered at that. Was Magnus so sure of this he would break his own heart?

Alec watched Magnus for a minute before stating quietly. “I will but you have to really think about this. I’m serious, not some spur of the moment thing. Think about it, I probably won’t last more than three months.” Magnus flinched at that but nodded anyway, giving Alec a shy smile. The kind of smile that was reserved for Alec and Alec only.

“I have thought about it. A lot actually. Alexander, I’m serious about this. I really want to get married.” Alec watched Magnus with contemplating eyes, before a bright smile stretched across his face.

“Okay.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Magnus and Alec went and got married the next week at the courthouse. They were planning a wedding but they wanted to do this just in case something happened beforehand. Jace, Izzy, Clary, Simon, and Rapheal were all there.

Magnus and Alec both cried, both refusing to admit the fact afterwards. 

It was the best moment in Alec’s entire life and he thought back to that fateful day at the coffee shop and silently thanked his short temper.

Alec and Magnus spent the next few months planning the wedding, they had moved the date around a lot but finally settled on waiting a month. Everytime Alec looked at Magnus he felt a warmth bloom in his chest. 

Everything about their everyday lives was great. Magnus had gotten a cat who he named Chairman Meow, Alec had pretended to hate him but Magnus often came home to Alec asleep on the couch, Chairman Meow nestled on his chest.

It pained Magnus to see Alec grow weaker everyday, it pained Alec to see Magnus in pain. They had many late night discussions on what was going to happen after. Sometimes there were tears, other times there were laughs, but mostly they just held each other and thanked god for the time they had spent together.

Everything was busy the day before the wedding. Magnus and Alec both had their suits and were spending the day together before tomorrow happened and they were crowded by everyone.

They spent the day eating ice cream and watching movies. They played games and fondly referred to each other as husband even though they had technically been married for a little over a month.

That day Alec had felt more at ease than he ever had before. He felt at peace.

That night when Alec woke up gasping for air refusing to go to the hospital Magnus had cried begging him over and over to not go. To not leave him. Alec had begged him in return to not be mad.

Only when Magnus had forgiven him for leaving him did Alec reach out tentatively kissing Magnus one more time before falling into a peaceful sleep. 

The only pain he could feel was the emptiness where Magnus had once been.


	10. "Shh. Stop fussing I'm just braiding your hair!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucie and Matthew (platonic)

Matthew loved Lucie; he really did. He used to fancy himself in love with her but he grew out of it. She was like his little sister and he would do anything for her. Matthew was known to have many friends but there were only eight people he would die for. James, his parabatai, Lucie (James’ sister), Thomas and Christopher (his best friends and James’ cousins), Will and Tessa (his second parents who honestly are more parental than his own), and his own parents Charlotte and Henry.

So yeah Matthew really loved Lucie. Enough to braid her hair as she requested while listening to her groan about how tight the braid was.   
“Lucie stop moving!” Matthew said for the eighth time. Lucie just groaned again holding her tender head, “Well if you would stop pulling my hair out I wouldn’t be moving!” Matthew rolled his eyes but loosened his hold considerably. “Oh shh. Stop fussing I’m just braiding your hair and if I do recall correctly I am doing this because you asked me to.” 

Lucie huffed indignantly and crossed her arms.

They were currently in the training room at the London institute. Lucie had been working out while Matthew was training. She kept complaining about her hair and how it was too in her face and then asked Matthew to braid it. Matthew had agreed, putting his seraph blade on the table so he could go help her.

Normally Lucie would train with Cordelia and Matthew with James but Cordelia and James were currently arranging wedding things so Matthew and Lucie had decided they would train together since they were both there.

Matthew pulled her hair again having to restart due to Lucie pulling and moving too much. Lucie groaned and Matthew just sighed rolling his eyes.

Matthew had been braiding Lucie’s hair for years, due to Lucie never being interested in learning. Some of his favorite memories or deep conversations took place when they were alone, Matthew calmly braiding Lucie’s hair, he didn’t remember her being such a baby about it.

“Stop whining!” Matthew said annoyed, Lucie groaned laughing. “Can I tell you about something?” Lucie asked in a quiet voice that automatically got Matthew’s attention, his hands stilled in her hair. “Of course. You know you can tell me anything.” Matthew said, returning his attention back to her braids while listening as she took a deep breath.

Lucie started playing with the hem of her sleeves. “Well you see, there’s this guy but he isn’t like most people. As in no one can see him but me and two others and Math,” This time lucie turns completely around and Matthew’s hands drop from her hair, the braid coming undone as her hair falls down her neck.

Matthew turns his attentive eyes back to Lucie’s face, she seems to be searching for something in Matthew’s eyes. When she seems to find it she smiles shyly and looks down. “Math, I think I really like him.” Matthew takes this in with a fond smile on his lips. He reaches out and grabs Lucie’s hand, she looks up with a small smile.

“I’m really glad you do Luce, you deserve someone. What’s his name?” Matthew asked smiling when Lucie squeezed his hand gratefully. She hesitated before answering slowly, “Jesse Blackthorn.” Matthew took Lucie’s face in, trying to decide if she was joking or not. “What?” Matthew asked quietly, confused because to his knowledge Jesse had died years ago.

Lucie looked down, a small smile dancing on her lips. “Jesse Blackthorn. I know he’s dead and you probably think I’m insane but you know how we can all see ghosts?” She looked to him for confirmation which he gave in way of a nod. “Well normally we can all see him, my, James, and father, but Jesse’s different. He’s not one hundred percent dead or alive, it’s like there’s a door between the two and he’s stuck in it.”

Lucie looked at Matthew again, making sure he was understanding what she was saying. When Matthew nodded Lucie continued. “Well I am one of three people that can see him. It’s me, Grace, and Tatiana. I just,” Lucie started fiddling with her thumbs nervously. “I just really like him Matthew and that’s utterly insane because he’s dead.” Lucie was clearly distressed about this so Matthew gathered her up in a comforting embrace.

Matthew ran his fingers through Lucie’s hair calmingly and Lucie let out a content breath, resting her head on his chest. “I think it’s charming, it’ll make quite the story one day Luce.” Matthew said quietly, showing without the exact words that it wasn’t insane and she could love whoever she wanted.

Lucie smiled into his chest, tightening her small arms around his waist. Matthew was silent for a moment before he whispered softly in her ear, slightly scared. “You want to hear a secret of mine?” Lucie pulled away looking at Matthew carefully. “I told you of my own free will, Math. You don’t owe me anything.” Matthew looked down at his hands, a nervous smile tugging at his lips.

He let out an awkward laugh, silently wondering why it was so hard for him to say this. “I think it’s charming that you like a ghost.” He said slowly. Lucie tilted her head in a way that briefly reminded him of Oscar when he was confused. “I just think it's refreshing. That he’s not normal.” Matthew said tugging at his hair, something he only did when he was terribly terribly nervous, normally opting to not bother his perfectly messed up hair.

Lucie watched him with knowing eyes and Matthew bit his lip. “It’s okay Math, you can say it.” She said in a soft voice, the kind of voice that made Matthew think that maybe it was okay. Maybe he was okay.

“I like girls,” He said looking down, turning his head back to Lucie as he said the next part. “But I also like boys.” He said so quietly Lucie had to lean closer so she could hear him. There was a deafening moment of silence before Lucie grinned softly at him. “I’m glad you told me Matthew. I’m proud of you.” She said in such a Lucie like manner that Matthew’s eyes began to water. Matthew realized with a start that he was shaking, the confession taking a lot more out of him than he originally thought.

It was Lucie’s turn to pull him into a tight embrace, Matthew resting his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back reassuringly. Matthew felt the tears coming faster, willing them to stop. 

They sat like that for about five minutes before James and Cordelia came in. Matthew couldn’t help the watery laugh that escaped him when he took in his parabatai’s shocked expression. Matthew had to admit it did look weird, him and Lucie embracing on the training room floor. It didn’t help that both of them were a mess of tears, stuffy noses, and puffy red eyes.

Matthew pulled away from Lucie and turned to James who was next to him seconds after the shock faded from his face. Cordelia was now hugging Lucie looking at Matthew over Lucie’s shoulder, a questioning look in her dark eyes.

James grabbed Matthew’s hand, a silent question in his golden eyes.

_Are you okay?_

Matthew smiled at him and nodded, curling into James’ side. James wrapped an arm around Matthew, pulling him closer. “You sure you’re alright?” James asked quietly at the same time as Cordelia asked Lucie.

Matthew pulled away and gave James a proper hug. He hadn’t told James yet, but telling Lucie gave him courage. If Lucie could accept him, his parabatai certainly could. He throws Lucie a look over his shoulder.

“Never better.”


	11. Kidnapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucie and the Merry Thieves

Lucie didn’t often spend time with just the boys anymore. She was often with Cordelia or Anna or Jesse, but it was nice to get to spend some time with her brother figures.

She was currently walking down the street with James, Matthew, Thomas, and Christopher. It was almost midnight and they had just finished patrol. Matthew and James had their arms around each other's shoulders, stumbling as they walked, both their heads thrown back in laughter. She always loved seeing them together, they were both wonderful people but when they were together it just brought out a side of both of them that was simply better, easier.

Christopher was telling Lucie and Thomas about some experiment he was looking forward to conducting. Lucie was on Thomas’ back, having rolled her ankle while dodging a demon. It didn’t really hurt, but she never passed on an opportunity to be tall for once. Christopher was mad because Cecily had put her foot down and grounded him from experiments for two weeks when he had nearly burnt Anna’s shirt during his last one.

They were all enjoying each other’s company so much none of them heard the footsteps of the people behind them. No one was ready for the attack. They had been walking happily until Matthew turned to make a joke to Thomas and his face had gone a sickly pale color. 

His silent scream was the last thing Lucie saw before everything went black.

  
  


Lucie woke up in a dim room with a pounding headache. She went to bring her head to her hand but found it was chained to the chair she was sitting in. Panic bubbled up in her stomach and she looked around quickly. She was in a dark room, it looked like a cellar of sorts, damp and humid.

Her head swiveled to the right when she heard a noise and a loud groan. “Who’s there?” She asked, confidence in her voice that she was thoroughly lacking. The person to the right of her made a confused sound. “Lucie?” She heard her brother’s hoarse voice ask in the opposite direction of the other noise.

She turned to her left and saw her brother, slumped against the wall blinking slowly. “Jamie!” Lucie said, relief and fear soaking her voice. “Where are we? What happened? Where are the others?” She asked quickly, James groaned and she thought briefly that he must have a headache too.

“Matthew’s to your right, Kit’s behind you, and Thomas is in front of you.” He said weakly. Lucie strained to see him better, to search him for wounds, but found it too dark to see anything other than his dark hair. She turned to her left and saw a mop of blonde hair, there seemed to be a dark spot in it and Lucie worried that it might be blood. “Math.” She whispered, trying to determine if he was unconscious. 

Matthew lifted his head, his green eyes dimmed. “I’m alright Luce. We’re all awake.” He paused, a pained look on his face. “Except Thomas.” He said so quietly Lucie almost missed it. Without a second thought her eyes were fixated on Thomas. She could see him best of everyone, a dim light bulb hanging loosely right above his head.   
Lucie realized with a start that he was covered in blood and bruises. She gasped involuntarily and leaned as far forward in her chair as possible. 

Thomas’ face was cut in such a way that reminded her sadly of his mother, their Aunt Sophie, her beautiful face scarred forever. His lip was bleeding, a startling red on his too pale face. One of his eyes was swollen shut, a dark purple color. Lucie tore her eyes away, a sick feeling settling in her stomach.

She redirected her attention to figuring out where they were. She shoved the panic down, looking around the room. She assumed Thomas had been awake or at least woken up far before anyone else. There were multiple things turned over, evidence that someone had put up a fight. 

Lucie was hit again with panic when she thought about the blood stain in Matthew’s hair. Lucie pulled at the chains, only managing to pinch her skin in the rusted metal. Lucie must have made a desperate noise because James was suddenly calling her name, telling her to calm down. “Luce, it’ll be okay. Don’t freak out or they’ll know you’re awake and come back.”  
Lucie whipped her head around. “Who? Who will come back?” She asked, desperately trying to wrap her mind around the dramatic turn of events that led them here. James’ head tilted, something Lucie knew was his way of thinking before talking. Matthew saved him the trouble and answered her in a hushed whisper.   
“There’s three guys, they’ve come down a few times. They did that to Thomas.” He said, pointing to the best of his chained ability to where Thomas sat limply. Lucie said some highly unlady like words and turned back to Matthew. “What do they want?” Matthew shrugged, seemingly unbothered but Lucie didn’t believe that for a second, she knew he was freaking out on the inside.

Matthew shook his head, eyes not leaving Thomas. “I don’t know. They came down here and started beating up Thomas, something about ghosts and Jesse Blackthorn. Nothing they said made any sense.” Lucie’s whole body tensed.

This was about Jesse. Who else knew about Jesse? Why had they taken them instead of Tatiana or Grace? What do the men think they know? Questions were firing too fast in Lucie’s brain and she brought her hands up again unthinkingly, the chains holding them back once again.

James sighed softly. “We’ll be okay though. Mother and father will find us, they won’t stop looking. Our parents have probably already started.” Lucie turned back to Thomas, her heart plummeting when she saw his breathing had weakened. Lucie shuddered and turned back to her brother.

“I hope they hurry.”

  
  


Lucie didn’t know how long they had sat in the dark before three burly men came in, the door slamming open causing all of them to jump. 

There were three of them, two were tall though not as tall as Thomas. The other one was shorter but he was deceivingly strong as he reached down and pulled Matthew’s hair, Matthew’s whole body came up and he gave a painful yelp, the man just laughed. “How’s that pretty little head of yours?” He asked, fake sincerity in his voice. Matthew just shook his head, staying silent in a way that made Lucie wonder how many times the men had been in there when she was unconscious.

The man standing in front of Matthew smirked and slapped him hard across the fact. She felt a surge of protectiveness surge through her, James was yanking on his chains in a way that was surly painful. Matthew glared at the man but stayed silent, the man took him in with evil eyes. “I’m glad you learned your lesson.” He said before slapping Matthew again and turning to Lucie.

Matthew’s lip was bleeding and his cheek was red but Lucie didn’t have long before the man was in front of her, sneering down. “I’m Micheal, this is Colton,” He gestured to one of the tall men, Colton was squatting in front of Thomas, his broad shoulders blocking Lucie’s view of her giant friend. “This is Mason.” Micheal said, gesturing to the other man, who was standing by the door like a bouncer.

Lucie didn’t say anything just glared at Micheal as he stared down the end of his nose at her. “Not a talker, well we’ll see about that.” Without warning Micheal struck her across the face, she gasped collapsing back against the chair. James, Matthew, and Christopher who had been silent until this moment all shouted. James and Matthew were fighting against their restaurants, by the sound of it Christopher was too but Lucie couldn’t see him.

Mason walked behind her and Lucie could hear the sound of chains before she saw Christopher stumble across the room to Thomas. When he reached him Christopher fell to his knees, checking Thomas over and patting his cheek gently trying to wake him up. He was only there for a minute before Colton grabbed his arms and chained him to the wall. 

Christopher didn’t argue, probably because he was close to his cousin, and instead just sat in a protective stance in front of Thomas.

Micheal snapped in front of Lucie’s face, causing her eyes to slicker back to his face involuntarily. Lucie looked into his cruel green eyes and watched as an intimidating smile grew across his face. Lucie just lifted her head and maintained eye contact, refusing to appear as scared as she felt. 

“You’re a strong one, we’ll see how long that lasts.” Micheal turned his back to her and picked up something on the table, when he turned Lucie saw with a spike of fear that he had a large vial of ichor. She knew it would burn but she was used to that pain, she knew she could deal with it.

Micheal turned his beady eyes to her. “I think that out of everyone here you know the most. So I’ll ask you once before I get the real stuff out, where is Jesse Blackthorn.” Lucie shuddered and shook her head, mouth pulled into a thin line. She would not betray Jesse like that. “I don’t know, all I know about him is that he’s dead. I’m sorry to inform you of that if you had truly thought he was alive.”   
Micheal’s eyes flashed threateningly but Lucie kept her chin held high. Before she knew what was happening Micheal had dumped half the vial of ichor on her cheek. Lucie let out a shriek, her body twisting trying to get it off but only managing to fasten its trip down her neck. James screamed at Micheal throwing curses and pulling hard on his chains.   
Matthew was no better, screaming Lucie’s name and then screaming at Micheal to let her go. Lucie shook her head at the boys, Christopher was watching her with wide scared eyes. Lucie knew her cousin well enough to know he wasn’t scared about himself but rather scared for her, she also knew him well enough to know how long she could last before she gave up, or before her body did.

Lucie turned to James. “I’m okay, I’m fine.” She turned to look at Matthew who was still thrashing in his chain. “Calm down, it’ll be okay.” She was talking through gritted teeth, the burning sensation growing worse as it set in her skin. Lucie locked eyes with Micheal again.

“You can torture me all you want but but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re insane and I have no idea where Jesse Blackthorn is, other than in a grave.” Micheal watched her for a minute before he frowned. “Fine you want to do it the hard way that’s fine.” 

As he walked by James, James hooked his foot around Micheal’s ankle and when Micheal hit the ground James grabbed the front of his shirt, his hands twisting a weird way. “If you touch her I swear on the angel I will kill you. I’ll kill you.” He hissed dangerously in Micheal’s face, a flash of fear crossed Micheal’s face before Mason was hauling a still James away from him.

Lucie was startled by the darkness lurking James’ golden eyes. She knew he loved her but he needn’t be so protective, he would get hurt. Lucie knew that was hypocritical but she had to make sure James knew it. 

The three men left briefly and the moment the door shut James was moving as close to Lucie as he could get. “Lucie, Luce, you’ll be okay. How much is on your skin?” He asked urgently, making exasperated sounds as the chains held him back. 

Matthew had also moved as close to Lucie as he could get. Christopher had gone back to trying to wake Thomas up, but he kept sparing Lucie anxious expressions.   
Lucie tried to focus on seeing how much was on her, trying to ignore the burning sensation and the smell that was making her eyes water. “It’s all over my cheek and neck. It’s setting but it’s not enough to cause too much harm.” Lucie said, her voice quiet but strong. James’ face relaxed slightly, taking relief in the fact that she would be okay.   
Matthew on the other hand looked down right murderous. “That bastard. How dare he? How dare he! First Thomas and now you? All for some dead guy?” Matthew was slurring, his hands made into fists as though he was going to fight someone. For the first time Lucie wished he was slurring due to his drinks, but she knew it was just confirming that his head had indeed taken a bad blow.

James seemed to come to the same conclusion, casting his parabatai anxious glances. “Math-” James was cut off by the door banging open again, Matthew’s face screwed up in pain and Lucie had to fight down the panic that was rising quickly. 

They all needed to get out now. Thomas wasn’t waking up, Matthew surely had a concussion, and Lucie desperately needed the ichor off. 

Micheal walked up to Lucie, a blade in his hand. Lucie’s eyes widened significantly and she started squirming. “What are you doing? Stop! Why do you need him so badly?” She asked, desperate to distract him. He just shook his head. “That, young lady, is none of your concern.”

He came closer, the knife catching the only light in the room. Lucie’s breath was speeding up, all the boys were yelling and begging him to stop. “Stop it! Take me! Let her go and take me!” James shouted, Lucie was startled to see tears making their way down his face. Micheal turned to him annoyed. “Shut up, if she doesn’t answer you’ll have your chance don’t worry.” 

James shook his head quickly. “No let me go first then. Leave her alone.” Micheal glared at him before walking over to James and punching him in the face. Matthew called for his parabatai, pulling hopelessly at the chains. James just put up a hand, signaling he was fine.   
Lucie watched her brother worriedly. His jaw was bent at a weird angle and Lucie was sure it was broken. She watched hopelessly as Micheal approached her again, she was all too aware of the knife he still had in his hand.

“I’ll ask you one more time before it gets bad for you. Where is Jesse?” He asked menacingly, towering over her petite frame. She locked eyes with him and said slowly, enunciating every word. Micheal looked at her with utter annoyance. “Have it your way.” He said glaring before he dug the knife deep into her shoulder. She screamed as pain blossomed from the wound, snaking around like vines. Matthew screamed her name but James stayed quiet. Lucie turned to her brother but he had his eyes closed tightly, focused on something. 

Lucie didn’t know what he was doing until he started fading slightly and she realized with a start that he was trying to shadow travel. Lucie gasped and looked to Matthew who was looking at her with determined eyes, he already knew James’ plan.

She turned back to Micheal who was currently turning to look at James, Lucie panicked knowing she had to get his attention before he noticed James. Mason and Colton hadn’t come back in with him so as long as Micheal didn’t see James, they had a good shot at getting out.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Lucie said loudly, pulling Micheal’s attention back to herself. She knew it was the wrong thing to say but it got his attention and that was all that mattered. Micheal sneered at her and dug the knife into her side before she could say anything else.   
Lucie’s eyes went wide and her mouth formed a silent ‘o’. She slowly looked down at her wound, Micheal had left the knife in and she could feel the point buried deep inside her. 

The next thing she knew Micheal was mirroring her expression as he fell to his knees. James stood behind him, the murderous look still spread across his handsome face. Matthew fell to his knees beside her, James having unlocked his chains before stabbing Micheal. 

Lucie finally let the tears fall as she slumped against Matthew, his arms wrapping securely around her. James put his foot on Micheal’s wound and Micheal gave a pained shout, James lowered his face so he could whisper in Micheal’s ear. “I told you I’d kill you.” James said before plunging the knife Micheal had left on the table into his chest. 

Micheal’s eyes went wide once more before he let out a long breath and Lucie realized he was dead. James turned his eyes on Lucie and they softened, the darkness fleeing at the sight of Lucie in pain. His brotherly instincts took over and he fell to the ground next to her kissing the top of her head and putting his hand over hers on her stomach to staunch the bleeding.

“You’re okay. Lucie you’ll be okay.” James whispered over and over reassuringly in her ear. Matthew let out a helpless sound scrunching his eyes shut in pain. James looked between the two then turned towards Thomas whose head was currently being cradled in Christopher’s lap who was whispering softly, pleading Thomas to open his eyes.

“We have to go. We need to get out of here.” James said urgently. Lucie shook her head, she knew none of them were in the shape to be going anywhere other than James and Christopher. “No. No you and Kit need to go get help.” Lucie said weakly, James shook his head face crumpling as he realized it would have to happen.

“I’m not leaving you Lucie.” Lucie smiled fondly at him, she knew he didn’t want to. “Someone needs to get help.” Lucie whispered. James fell silent before looking at Christopher. “Kit, get help. I’ll watch them and keep safe but you need to go get help.” Christopher made a noise of resentment but rose to his feet anyway. 

He looked at Thomas once more before turning to James. “I’ll go but you have to help me get past Mason and Colton.” Kit said softly, James nodded before turning back to Matthew and Lucie. He ducked down to kiss Lucie on the forehead then turned and grabbed Matthew’s hand.

“I’ll be back.” He said before he and Kit slipped through the door.


	12. "You know I'm always here for you right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KitxTy

Kit knew reconnecting with the Blackthorn’s would be hard, it was why he had put it off for so long. It’s why he was sitting in his room at the LA Institute at three in the morning contemplating all his life decisions instead of reading Sherlock Holmes with Ty or watching horror movies with Dru.

He knew that he should be sleeping but he couldn’t get his mind off of Ty’s blank expressions, and carefully hidden emotions. Ever since Kit had come back Ty had only said about two sentences to him, everyone else had warmed back up to him but Ty wouldn’t, not that Kit blamed him. He knew for a fact that if the roles were reversed Kit would probably be worse than Ty right now.

He counted it as a blessing.

Finally, around 4 Kit fell into a fitful sleep full of empty gray eyes and desperate I love you’s.

Kit woke up gasping for air, shooting out of his bed so fast he made himself sick. Kit scrambled off his bed and barely made it to the trashcan in the corner of his room before his stomach emptied itself.

He had dreamt all night about Ty and his insistent need to ignore Kit all the time, he had fallen into a dream about the day his father was murdered, something that only ever happens when Kit is too upset to keep his mind off of it.

The tears were falling down his face quickly and he tried to catch his breath, broken sobs coming out of his mouth far too loud than he wished. He tried desperately to calm himself, overly aware of the fact that Ty’s room was right across from his and that Ty was a very light sleeper. 

Kit choked on a sob and heard the door creak open, another sob racked his body as he gave up on trying to be quiet. Someone came to stand next to him and through blurry eyes, he realized it was Ty, who else would it be?

Kit tried to take in calming breaths but couldn’t get any in. He felt a hand on his shoulder, a light weight somewhat unsure. Without thinking, Kit turned and buried his head in Ty’s chest, long slender arms wrapped around him and he couldn’t find it in himself to muffle the sounds anymore.

Kit was trembling while Ty just whispered soothingly to him, chin resting on Kit’s head. “Whisper, cloud, secret, highway, hurricane, mirror, castle, thorns.” Ty repeated softly, his calloused hands running gently through Kit’s tangled hair.

A feeling of affection washed over Kit as he realized Ty was saying his words, words he was sure that Ty had forgotten, from a conversation what felt like years ago. Ty had remembered though, Kit had remembered Ty’s but he had little faith that Ty would remember his, Ty had always used his brain to store useful knowledge and Kit didn’t count his comfort words as useful knowledge.

“Kit you’re okay.” Ty whispered softly into Kit’s hair, having shifted so he could bury his face in Kit’s blonde curls. Kit let out a weak whimper. He was considerably calmer now, something that only happened with Ty, but he didn’t want to pull away yet. He didn’t want this to be a one-time thing, he wanted this all the time with Ty, the comfort of having him back, he didn’t want to go back to acquaintances who barely talked to one another.

Instead of pulling away Kit shifted so he could lay his head in Ty’s lap, somewhat stiffly. Ty continued running his hands through Kit’s hair and Kit couldn’t hold back the sad sound that slipped out of his mouth.

Ty’s hand stilled momentarily before continuing, Kit couldn’t take the silence anymore and closed his eyes tightly, pain radiating in his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kit repeated, desperately trying to make Ty understand whilst also trying to come up with better words. 

The words died on Kit’s tongue when Ty pulled away, Kit’s head falling to the soft mattress. Kit didn’t have the energy to lift his head back up, instead choosing to curl into himself slightly, attempting to prepare himself for Ty inevitably telling Kit that this changed nothing and he wasn’t forgiven.

He didn’t deserve to be forgiven for what he did to Ty anyway. He makes a mistake in leaving he was well aware of that, though he couldn’t help hope bubbling in his chest.

Whatever Kit had been expecting it wasn’t for Ty to lay down next to him and in a slightly hesitant voice say, “You know I’m always here for you right?” Kit froze, his mind automatically taking defense mode. 

Ty didn’t care about him, Kit had hurt him more than anyone ever should have. He didn’t deserve Ty being there for him, he didn’t deserve his forgiveness, he didn’t even deserve the kindness Ty and the rest of the Blackthorn’s had given him.

Kit looked desperately at Ty. “No. No.” Kit said, hysteria climbing in his voice. The tears were coming again, faster this time. “No.” Kit repeated, voice breaking embarrassingly. Ty shook his head fiercely, his voice stubborn and unwavering. “I am. I’ll always be here for you.” Kit shook his head bringing his hands up to his face in a weak attempt to hide his tears.

“You shouldn’t be. Ty, I don’t deserve that. You don’t- you shouldn’t- I can’t-” Kit broke off with a pitiful cry and suddenly Ty’s arms were around him again. Ty hugged him tighter than before, one arm wound tightly around his back, his hand knotting in the soft fabric of Kit’s pajama shirt, the other holding Kit’s head to his chest.

Kit melted into Ty, his arms going around Ty’s middle, tears soaking Ty’s gray shirt. Ty buried his head in Kit’s neck and Kit realized with a start that it wasn’t just him trembling. Kit went to pull back, afraid he had upset Ty with the amount of physical touch he was giving but Ty just held him closer which only made Kit cry harder. Kit cursed himself for holding his emotions in which was causing him to cry far more than he normally would.

“It doesn’t matter whether you deserve it or not, which you do, by the way, it’s my choice Christopher and I mean it, I will always be here for you.” Kit hugged him tightly, his hands twisting in Ty’s, holding him desperately afraid that if he let go Ty would disappear and Kit would wake up again.

“I’m sorry.” Kit said breathlessly and he felt rather than saw Ty shake his head. “Stop. Don’t be, you’re okay Kit.” Ty paused for a moment before stating quietly, “And so are we. We’re okay Kit.” He said, the hand on his waist rubbing calming circles on Kit’s skin where his shirt had ridden up.

They stayed like that for another hour, holding each other mumbling short apologies and calming words, before they both fell asleep in Kit’s bed.

It wasn’t perfect and Kit knew he still had a lot to do to make it up to Ty but it was a start. And when Kit woke up and found Ty next to him, arm still thrown protectively over his side he made a silent oath to never be the cause of Ty’s pain again, silently swearing to protect him from whatever the world threw at him.

This promise was one Kit intended on keeping.


	13. Gabrily Family Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabrily

Cecily sighed as she walked through the door. It had been a busy day and she had spent most of it with her brother while they tried to figure out what was happening with the demon attack in broad daylight.

Gabriel had been off with Gideon on some mission for the last four days, he was often going on missions and Cecily found it hard to keep up, while Alexander was with Lucie. Anna and Christopher were off somewhere with Matthew, Thomas, and James, so Cecily wasn’t expecting anyone to be home.

She went to the kitchen getting some water before walking to the living room. She sighed as she looked at the mess, she hated cleaning, she always had, but with Christopher’s beakers and vials all over the place, she was constantly moving them away from Alexander’s reach. Anna came over often as well, always leaving something behind.

She had been cleaning for about ten minutes before someone had their arms wrapped around her. Cecily squealed and turned quickly, knocking the person backward. Gabriel stumbled, catching himself right before he fell, eyebrows raised. “I thought you knew I was coming since you weren’t moving, turns out you just didn’t hear me.” He pretended to give her a scrutinizing look. “I would have to rate your response time as a six I’m afraid, while you got away you would have still died had I been a demon.”

Cecily laughed, walking up to her husband and hugging him. She hadn’t realized how much she missed him and the toll it was taking on her to not have him here. Gabriel hugged her back, when she didn’t pull away he tightened his hold, his face moving back so he could see her face. “Are you alright, mi amor?” Cecily smiled up at her husband’s concerned face, “I am now.” She said quietly.

Gabriel smiled and leaned down, his lips meeting Cecily’s. She felt him smile against her lips, a feeling she would never get used to. The front door banged open and Cecily broke away with a sigh, alas she would have to wait until tonight to spend one on one time with Gabriel.

Cecily looked towards the door smiling at her children as Gabriel wrapped his arm affectionately around Cecily’s waist. Anna was holding little Alexander looking at them with fond eyes, she had been asking Cecily a lot of questions about love recently, making them ‘rhetorical’ but Cecily knew better and pretended to be unaware they were talking about Ariadne.

Christopher was behind Anna, talking excitedly with his hands about something he was calling a ‘fire message’. Anna set Alexander carefully on the ground and he ran up to Cecily who bent down and scooped him into her arms in a smooth practice move.

Gabriel walked over to Christopher and ruffled his already messy hair, Christopher turned his bright smile to Gabriel. “Father, have you talked to Uncle Gideon or Uncle Will today?” Gabriel shook his head watched Christopher with an amused smile. “They were on a mission and something happened to Uncle Gideon and they had mentioned how they wished they had something that could transfer messages instantly and I had a brilliant idea-” Gabriel held up a hand to stop Christopher, his previously amused expression now heavily concerned. 

“Backtrack, what happened to Uncle Gideon?” Gabriel said, concern for his brother evident on his face. Cecily turned her icy blue eyes to Christopher’s lavender ones, her eyes equally concerned. 

Christopher waved their concern off. “He’s fine, the demons had broken their steles but Sophie showed up just in time and healed them both.” Christopher’s eyes went bright again and Cecily watched Gabriel’s still concerned face. “I was thinking that there could be something I could make that makes instant messages possible! I was thinking of an idea and if it worked I could call it a fire message.” Anna put a hand up to stop him and Christopher peered questioningly at his sister.

“If it has fire in it you can’t work on it by yourself. Either me, Thomas, or mother and father have to be there.” Cecily wondered as she watched Christopher open and close his mouth when Anna became such a mom to Christopher but she couldn’t find it in herself to mind if it meant she wasn’t always the bad guy when telling him that potentially dangerous thing needed oversight.

Christopher just shrugged, turning to Anna to talk more about this ‘fire message’, and Gabriel turned to Cecily. “I have to go-” Cecily stiffened a little, disappointment flooding through her. He had only just gotten back from a four-day trip and as much as she knew he had to go check on his brother it still pulled at her heart for him to have to leave.

Nevertheless, Cecily smiled at her husband, turning away before he looked too deep and discover it was fake. Gabriel walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead before doing the same to Anna and ruffling Christopher and Alexander’s heads. Cecily watched with sad eyes as he stepped through the door once again.

Cecily bounced Alexander gently on her hip and turned to Anna. “I am going to put Alexander to bed, are you staying the night?” Anna watched Cecily’s face closely and nodded slowly before walking up to Cecily. “You look exhausted mother.” She said softly looking deep into Cecily’s blue eyes, Cecily always found it creepily comforting how similar her daughter’s eyes looked to her own and Will’s.

Cecily waved off her concern, though she knew she was radiating exhaustion, and shook her head. “I’m quite alright Anna, you needn’t stay if that’s what you were worried about.” Anna didn’t seem to believe that but dropped the subject anyway before saying goodnight to Alexander. 

“If it’s alright with you mother, I am going to kidnap Kit and take him back with me to my apartment.” She turned her eyes to her brother, a fond look on her face. “I’m afraid otherwise he would be awake all night and you needn’t worry about that tonight.” Cecily smiled gratefully at her daughter before kissing her cheek and walking over to do the same to Christopher who smiled at her, his lavender eyes standing out on his pale face.

Anna and Christopher left about ten minutes later and Cecily finally made her way to Alexander’s room, the room next to her own, and set him down gently in his bed. She started humming softly, a welsh lullaby her mother had taught her that she had sung to all of her children.

Alexander wasn’t tired yet so it took Cecily two hours to put him asleep. Cecily stumbled slightly as she walked out of the room, the brightness momentarily blinding her as her eyes attempted to adjust. It was almost midnight now and Cecily wanted nothing more than to go to sleep but when she got in bed it felt too cold and she knew it would be one of the nights where she would have to wait for Gabriel to be able to sleep.

It took another two hours for Cecily to hear hooved feet in front of her house and she got up, tightening her robe around her nightgown as she walked into the main room. Gabriel was taking off his coat and hat, boots carefully sat beside the door. 

He turned when he heard her bare feet pattering on the floor, a tired smile on his face. Cecily shivered, a draft chilling her to the point of goosebumps. “How are Gideon and Will?” Cecily asked quietly, trying desperately to not wake Alexander up.

Gabriel rubbing his hands together, walking up to Cecily before wrapping his arms around her. Cecily buried her face in his shirt, the comfort of having her husband home momentarily overwhelming. Gabriel’s cheek rested on her head and she felt when he said, “Gideon’s alright, Will was barely scratched but Gideon had a large gash across his stomach, Sophie got there about five minutes later and just about lost her mind at Will.” Gabriel laughed lightly, a hand coming up to stoke Cecily’s ink-black hair. “I would have rather enjoyed seeing that if I’m quite honest.”

Cecily laughed, but her heart wasn’t quite in it. She was tired and just wanted to be in bed, Gabriel’s arms around her, the safe feeling of being in his arms that she had been severely lacking recently.

Gabriel pulled away and frowned. “Are you quite alright mi amor?” He asked softly, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. Cecily closed her eyes and nodded slowly. “I’m just tired.” She said somewhat weakly, a tone she only ever used around Gabriel. 

Warm hands found their way to the back of her knees and her waist and Cecily found herself being lifted off the ground. “Off to bed then.” Gabriel said simply as Cecily laughed softly, a genuine one this time. She laid her head against his chest and sighed deeply, she had missed him. 

He carried her to their room before dropping her softly onto their bed. Cecily crawled under the covers and waited expectantly for Gabriel to climb in next to her, instead he turned around and started walking out of the room. Cecily shot up, “Don’t leave, please! Where are you going?” She asked desperately. Gabriel turned back to her with a slightly concerned expression. “Ceci, I’m not going anywhere. I’m just changing I’ll be right back.” 

Cecily felt her face heat up and she looked down at the comforter before shifting so she was laying down again. “Right. Sorry.” She mumbled, Gabriel stared at her for a second before turning and going to change. It normally took Gabriel ten minutes to get ready for bed but he was back in their room in half that time.

He crawled into bed next to her and wrapped a strong arm around her middle, gently pulling her body against his. Cecily sighed softly, comforted in a way only a spouse could. Gabriel intertwined their fingers, his thumb running soothing circles on the back of her hand.

“Why are you afraid of me leaving?” He asked softly, pressing a light kiss to the back of her neck. Cecily closed her eyes, her hand tightening involuntarily around Gabriel’s as if to keep him in place. “I’m not.” She replied dubiously, Gabriel tightened his grip around her waist. “You are, why?” He asked, his mouth leaving sweet kisses over her shoulder. 

Cecily sighed, embarrassed, and afraid to come off as clingy. She took pride in being the kind of wife who was confident in being left alone. She was still confident, she just missed him horribly when he was gone. “You’ve been gone a lot.” Cecily said quietly, Gabriel’s lips stilled on her shoulder before he pulled away, shifting so that he was half above her, one arm holding him up while the other went to push the hair out of her face.

Gabriel frowned and Cecily felt instantaneously bad. “Not that that’s a bad thing. I know you have to fight demons and you’re really good obviously which is why they send you on overnight missions which is great Gabriel really, I’m so proud of you.” Cecily hesitated and Gabriel rested his chin on her shoulder, a sign for her to keep going. Cecily averted her eyes and looked at their intertwined fingers instead. 

“It’s just hard I guess sometimes, having to watch the kids and help Will and Tessa and do patrols while finding someone to watch Alexander.” Her eyes flickered up to Gabriel’s again. “I’m not complaining though, I know what you do is important.” Cecily was about to continue rambling but Gabriel saved her from embarrassing herself further.

He ran a calming hand through her hair, a troubled look on his face. “Cecily none of that is as important as you, or the kids.” He paused, the troubled look on his face shifting into guilt. “Ceci, I do wish you’d told me earlier, I didn’t realize.” 

Cecily just shook her head, pulling the hand still holding hers around her waist so that he was holding her again. Gabriel happily obliged. “I’m quite alright Gabriel, don’t worry about it. You’re here now.” Gabriel huffed. “I should have been here the whole time, especially with Alexander.” He sighed and kissed her shoulder again. “No wonder you’re always exhausted, by the angel Cecily.” 

With a sigh and a shake of her head, Cecily turned her head so she could see Gabriel. “If you’re saying I look tired all the time, wow Gabriel thanks.” She said sarcastically, continuing before Gabriel got a chance to deny her words. “And two, as you said, I am exhausted and it would be greatly appreciated if we could finish this tomorrow.” Gabriel hesitated before nodding and shifting back so he was laying on the bed instead of hovering over her body.

Cecily flipped to her other side so she could bury her face in Gabriel’s chest, his arm went around her tightly, drawing her body impossibly closer. Gabriel placed a soft kiss on her forehead and ran his fingers through her hair. Cecily sighed contentedly as her eyes finally shut, dreams not far off.

The last thing she thought before sleep claimed her was how safe it felt back in her husband’s arms.


	14. "You know I’m always here for you right?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon and Gabriel being brothers

Gabriel stumbled into his brother’s bedroom at the institute. Gabriel had been very against the idea of staying here but at this point, the only place he wanted to be was with his brother. He had never been mad at his brother for leaving, he understood the need to get away from their father but Gabriel couldn’t bring himself to go with him. 

Gideon had always been strong, leaving was a thorough example of that, but Gabriel knew he couldn’t leave. Their father would die without someone looking after him and with Gideon gone it fell on Gabriel to do so.

That sure helped, Gabriel thought bitterly. He had stayed with his father in hopes of helping him but in the end, he hadn’t helped at all, he had killed his father. Gabriel looked down at his clothes which were covered in ichor and blood. 

When they had returned to the institute Gideon had sent Gabriel up to his room with the promise of coming soon, after he had talked to Charlotte. Gabriel took his shoes off, hands shaking. 

He wouldn’t admit it but he was terrified of what his brother would say. They hadn’t truly spoken since the whole mess happened and Gabriel couldn’t help the fear that was slowly rising that Gideon would be mad at him for killing their father. Gabriel kept trying to reason that if he hadn’t killed their father then their father would have killed them.

Fists clenched, Gabriel stood and started pacing the room. It was his fault, he knew that, but how could he have not noticed the signs when his father was locked in his room. Gabriel shook his head, he was certain that demon pox was nothing more than the stupid song Will sang so there was no way of seeing the signs of something you didn’t know about. 

It didn’t matter, he should have made his father open the door, he should have checked on him more. He should have done more. Gabriel kicked the wall hard, his foot hurt but he found the pain distracting.

Gabriel kicked and punched the wall repeatedly, noticing belatedly that Gideon had returned. Gideon rushed to his brother’s side and pulled him away from the wall. “Gabriel! Gabriel calm down!” Gideon said desperately, holding his thrashing brother. “Let me go! Gideon let me go!” Gabriel shouted back, when Gideon tightened his grip and refused to let up Gabriel stopped fighting.

The brothers sank to the floor, Gabriel’s legs giving out, and Gideon just held his brother tightly, chest heaving. Gideon ran his hand calmingly through his brother’s brown hair. “It’s my fault. I should have done more. I should have checked on him, I should have known something was wrong. I should have- I should have-” Gabriel cut himself off with a quiet sob and Gideon felt tears coming to his own eyes.  
“There is no way you could have known Gabriel. No one knew demon pox was real, it was too far along anyway for you to have been able to do anything. Don’t blame yourself for that Gabriel, none of that was your fault none of it.” Gideon said fiercely, knowing his brother was stubborn and would probably believe that for a while before Gideon would be able to convince him it wasn’t his fault.

Gabriel laughed, an utterly broken sound, and shook his head. “Even if that’s true, I killed him.” Gideon shook his head to dismiss that but Gabriel shook his right back. “No you didn’t see it, Gideon, I killed him. It was me. He was going to hurt Cecily and I didn’t even think I just shot.” Gabriel said, hot tears running down his face. Gideon froze, unsure how to proceed with this knowledge.

“Gabriel,” He said slowly, feeling Gabriel tense. “He was going to hurt Cecily, he would have killed all of us had you not killed him.” Gideon paused, silent tears falling down his face. “You did the right thing.” Gabriel sobbed loudly at that and Gideon shut his eyes tightly, tears still flowing.

“What are we going to do? Where are we going to go? Father was all we had and Tatiana- she-” Gabriel said in a quiet voice, breaking off at the end not wanting to finish. Gideon felt a rush of anger towards their sister, how could she abandon her only living relatives? Gideon smoothed Gabriel’s hair out of his eyes. 

Gideon was leaned against the wall, his brother tucked into his side, Gabriel’s arms around his middle and his head resting comfortingly on Gideon’s chest. 

Keeping the tears out of his voice he said strongly, “We will be okay, it’s not like he was a real parent toward us. We’ll stay here for as long as we need until we can get back on our feet and as for Tatiana,” Gideon couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. “Well, she made her choice.” Gabriel shuddered and turned to look at Gabriel, his glossy green eyes meeting Gideon’s. 

Gabriel realized for the first time that he wasn’t the only one crying, he pulled away from Gideon quickly. “I’m sorry.” Gabriel said in a voice that could go no higher than a whisper, Gideon shook his head and grabbed Gabriel’s wrist before he could go any further. “Don’t. I’m not mad at you it’s just been a long day.” Gabriel still seemed wary and refused to meet his brother’s eyes.

Gideon made a desperate noise and Gabriel turned back to him. “I need you right now Gabriel and I know you need me too. Please sit back down.” Gabriel hesitated only slightly before shaking his head and reaching a hand down to Gideon. 

Pulling himself up, Gideon looked at Gabriel confused. Gabriel sighed and climbed into Gideon’s bed, ichor and all. “It has been a long day and I’m tired and would very much like to sleep now. You’re right I do need you so can I stay here?” Gideon looked at his younger brother with soft, sad eyes. “Of course you can.” Gideon said, getting into the other side, they weren’t touching anymore but the comforting presence of being next to each other was enough.

They sat in silence, Gideon’s thoughts were racing for the future while Gabriel continued to replay the past. Eventually, Gideon broke the silence, “You know I’m always here for you right?” Gabriel turned to his brother, puffy eyes but no tears to be seen. “And I you, brother.” 

They both drifted off after that, waking each other up throughout the night screaming from nightmares. Neither of them was okay and it would be a long time before they were, but they had each other and that was enough for them.


	15. "There's... one bed."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomastair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so yall know you're free to ask requests fics too just give me a ship and a prompt <33

Thomas didn’t want to go on patrol, he was tired, something he seemed to always be nowadays. He was even more against going on patrol with Alastair.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Alastair, it was quite the opposite actually, he liked him far too much. He always wasn’t big on going on patrol with anyone who wasn’t the merry thieves, Lucie, or Eugenia. It took a long time to learn someone’s fighting style which was why it was uncommon to go patrolling with someone you don’t normally go with.

When Thomas got to the institute where he was meeting Alastair he went inside, he had gotten there early so he could grab some water from the kitchen before being on his way. He was almost to the kitchen when he saw Will and Tessa walking towards him, they hadn’t seen him yet but it didn’t take them long to spot him, after all his height at 6’4 was rather hard to miss.

Will smiled brightly at him, his arm around Tessa’s shoulders, Tessa was smiling kindly as she did with everyone. “Tommy! What are you doing here?” Will asked, his face radiating happiness. Thomas smiled back politely. “Hello, Uncle Will. I was just going to get some water before patrol if you don’t mind?” Tessa smiled at him, a smile that held more affection than kindness, one only her immediate family, the Fairchild’s, and the Lightwood’s got. “Of course, you don’t have to ask you know.” 

Thomas smiled and felt a rush of affection towards his aunt and uncle, they weren’t technically blood-related but they were family in every other way. Thomas smiled tiredly at them and casually hugged Tessa who smiled and hugged him back. “All right there Thomas?” Will asked, concern involuntarily leaking into his tone, Thomas nodded. “I’m alright, just tired I suppose.” 

Tessa frowned and pulled away taking in his face, “I’m sure someone else could go for you Thomas, you don’t look very well.” Thomas smiled at the motherly gesture, it reminded him of his own mother who was currently with Eugenia in Idris. “It’s quite alright, I’ll be okay.” Thomas said, his smile turned slightly stiff. Will turned his alarmingly perceptive eyes to him. “You can come stay here tonight or for a few nights if you want to Thomas.” Will said carefully, Thomas was always alarmed at how well Will could read people when he wanted to.

Truthfully, Thomas could use a few nights at the institute. His parents were currently in Idris with his sister, the wake of Barbara’s death heavy on them. Thomas had decided to stay behind, staying at his uncle Gabriel and Aunt Cecily’s house. They had been kind, very kind, but they hadn’t given him any space to himself. They were always trying to distract him, which worked well in the beginning but it didn’t leave him time to grieve, the only time he had time to think about it was at night which led to horrid nightmares every night. So really Thomas could do with a few days of silence at the institute.

Despite his thinking, Thomas shook his head, “I wouldn’t want to be a bother thank you though.” Tessa’s frown deepened and she put a hand on his arm. “Thomas-” Thomas sidestepped her, her arm falling back to his side. He put on a fake smile, afraid that if they talked now he would lose his calm, collected appearance he had worked so hard to keep up these past few weeks. “If you don’t mind Aunt Tess, I should get some water, I suspect Alastair will be here soon.”

Tessa smiled sadly, Will kept his face blank but his eyes gave away the concern he was feeling. “Of course sweetie.” Tessa said moving to the side so Thomas could get by. He smiled at them and continued walking, he was a few paces away when Will called his name, he turned around to face them again. “The offer still stands, any time.” Will said, a smile gracing his lips. 

Thomas gave him a grateful smile, turning around and hurrying to the kitchen for some water. Bridget was there, cleaning some dishes and singingly loudly and off-pitch. “Hello, Bridget!” Thomas said with false charm, Bridget looked and him and smiled back. “Hello lad, water?” She asked and Thomas realized that he came in here for water every time he has patrol, how predictable can he be?

Nodding his head, Thomas got some water and drank it quickly before headed back to the front of the institute. He paused at the door, knowing full and well that Alastair will be there. After all, punctuality was something Alastar simply couldn’t ignore.

Running a hand over his face, an attempt to mentally prepare himself, he pushed the doors open. As predicted, Alastair was leaning against a pillar, eyes closed and his head thrown back. Thomas couldn’t help but stare at him, he looked like a statue, carved beauty that only artists could dream of. 

Alastair’s eyes opened too soon and Thomas was forced to stop watching the beautiful person in front of him. “Where were you?” Alastair asked with a raised eyebrow as he pushed himself off the pillar. Thomas gestured vaguely behind him, “Institute.” He answered, gingerly checking his pockets for his stele and seraph blade. His bolas was also in his pocket but in case he lost it he always had a knife.

Thomas watched as Alastair’s eye followed the movements, an unreadable expression crossing his eyes. Thomas ignored it to the best of his ability and turned to Alastair. “Ready?” Alastair watched him for a second before nodding slowly. “Are you alright Lightwood?” He asked in an uncharacteristically concerned voice. Thomas nodded and waved the concern away. “Tired is all.” He said, wondering just how bad he looked to have had three people question him in the last ten minutes.

Alastair didn’t seem to buy it and took to staying close to his side all night. Thomas noticed it but was far too tired to care. When their patrol was over, both having said a total of five words the whole night with no demon activity, they made their way to the institute to report the lack of activity.

Right as both boys made to leave Will stopped them, a guilty look on his face that made Thomas’ heart sink. “I know you’re tired Thomas and you know if there was any way I could avoid asking you I would, but someone needs to go to a muggle town to check reports of demon activity about six hours away and you two are the only available ones at the moment.” Thomas sighed deeply, nodding his head tiredly, Alastair watched him with a frown. 

“Mr. Herondale I could go, I don’t think Thomas is quite up for the trip.” Will nodded, running an exasperated hand over his face. “I know and normally I would let you, but there were seven reported demons and I was already hesitant on sending just two people. I simply cannot allow you to go by yourself.” Alastair turned to Thomas again but Thomas just smiled, attempting to wipe the tiredness from his face.

“It’s quite alright Uncle Will, I’ll be okay.” Will watched him with sad eyes before nodding slowly. “I am sorry.” Will said hugging Thomas, it was slightly awkward due to Thomas being so tall but neither of them seemed bothered by it. Alastair watched, a bittersweet feeling settling in his chest. No adult other than his mother had dared shared any physical affection towards him, much less a man, and Will wasn’t even Thomas’ father.

Will pulled away and ruffled Thomas’ hair before reminding them to be careful and to take the carriage. They walked out the door in silence, Thomas felt the entirety of the bone dead tiredness setting in him.

He knew he couldn’t sleep in the carriage, he couldn’t risk having a nightmare and screaming in front of Alastair. It was already two in the morning so they decided they would go for an hour before stopping at a hotel and then finishing the trip in the morning.

When they were settling in the back, Thomas on one side and Alastair across from him, Alastair turned to him poorly masked concern on his face that made Thomas sigh. “Are you sure you’re alright Lightwood? You look all pale and sickly, terrible to put it frankly.” Thomas laughed bitterly, “Well thank you for that Alastair.” Thomas said, his eyes closed to avoid the burning he was currently feeling from having his eyes open for more than twenty-four hours.

Alastair blushed and kicked Thomas’s leg lightly. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Thomas laughed quietly. “I know.” They fell into a comfortable silence. Thomas was fidgeting, trying desperately to fight off the need for sleep that was slowing his movements considerably. Alastair had fallen asleep fairly quickly and Thomas silently cursed him for leaving him awake alone.

After about an hour the carriage pulled to a stop in front of a small hotel. Thomas grabbed their small bags, preciously packed by Will, and checked in, putting off waking Alastair up. The lady that checked him in informed him that there was only one room available, Thomas just smiled and told her they’d take it, shoving down the rising panic. Once Thomas had everything settled he went back downstairs to wake Alastair.

When Thomas gently shook him Alastair groaned, slowly opening his eyes. “Thomas?” Alastair asked, sounding so utterly confused that Thomas couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah it’s me, we’re at the hotel.” Understanding dawned in Alastair’s eyes and he stood up, stretching slightly. They climbed out of the carriage, Alastair went to the back and turned to Thomas confused as to what had happened with his luggage. 

Thomas shrugged, stifling a yawn. “I put it in our room already.” Alastair quirked an eyebrow. “Our room?” Thomas nodded slowly, his brain too tired to comprehend things at a normal pace. “There was only one left.” Alastair made an ‘ah’ sound and walked with Thomas up the stairs to their room, once again sticking close to Thomas’ side.

When Thomas opened the door and walked in Alastair paused. “There’s… one bed.” He said slowly, Thomas turned to him confused before looked at the singular bed in the room. Groaning Thomas sat heavily on the end, propping his chin on the palm of his hand. “Sorry I wasn’t paying attention when I came in.” He said, a blush creeping on his cheeks. “We can go another hour and find another one.” Thomas proposed, silently willing Alastair to turn down that idea, he was far too tired to go anymore.

Alastair seemed to have similar thoughts. “It’s quite alright Thomas, we can stay here.” Thomas nodded, shoving down the fact that he would have to share a bed with Alastair, beautiful, stunning, unreadable Alastair. Thomas went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed while Alastair changed in the room.

When they were done they switched and Thomas laid in bed while Alastair took the bathroom to get ready for bed. Thomas took the left side out of habit and curled up, Anna always said he curled up to try and protect himself from the dreams and Thomas couldn’t help but agree.

Thomas was already drifting by the time Alastair walked in and took the other side. It was weird sharing a bed with someone, the last person he had shared a bed with was Barbara. Thomas quickly shoved away the thought, knowing that he was going to have a bad night if he was thinking about Barbara before he fell asleep.

Blaming his delirium from lack of sleep Thomas turned to Alastair in bed and closed his eyes. “Talk to me.” Alastair looked a little surprised at the demand but didn’t question. “Cordelia has been talking nonstop about Lucie and becoming parabatai. She goes through these weird weekly thins where one week that’s all she’ll talk about and then the next week she doesn’t talk about it at all and then the next week it’s all she can talk about again. It’s like a never-ending cycle.” He said laughing, Thomas joined him and laughed quietly. He could already feel the pull of sleep and silently thanked Alastair. 

Right before he was pulled into dreamland he felt a calming hand in his hair, “Sweet dreams Thomas.”

  
  


_Barabara stood in front of him, a smile plastered across her beautiful face. “Oh Thomas, isn’t it lovely?” She asked, her eyes skimming the lake. They were having a picnic at the lake, the water was shimmering and reflecting the sun in pretty waves, the trees were swaying softly with the breeze._

_Thomas laid on his back, the blanket blocking the grass that would have been poking him uncomfortably. “It is.” He agreed, smiling at his sister. They sat in silence, watching the scenery, and hearing the birds chirping peacefully._

_Turning to tell his sister to look at the cliffs where a deer was standing, his head held high, he saw his sister’s confused face, a startling shade of white. She was looking down at her white dress that was slowly turning red in the middle. “Barbara?” Thomas asked, not yet catching on to what was happening._

_Slowly, his sister turned her face to his, her beautiful face was now marked with cuts and blood. “You’re bleeding.” Thomas said, alarmed as he realized that the growing red stain on her dress was also blood. Barbara stared at him, her normally kind eyes cold._   
_“You did this. This is your fault, Thomas.” Thomas’ eyes widened and his eyes snapped back up to his sister’s. “What?” Thomas asked, confusion and hurt settling in his voice. Barbara glared at him, anger and blood turning her face ugly._

_“You did this. You should have been faster, you should have been there.” Thomas wasn’t breathing properly anymore, breaths coming in too fast and not leaving fast enough. “You killed me, Thomas. You protected your friends over me.” She said, anger gone, sadness now laced in her voice. “No, I didn’t! I tried to help!” Thomas said desperately trying to make his sister believe him._

_“Why did you kill me? What did I do to you? You killed me.” She said again, betrayal obvious on her face. Thomas felt tears falling down his face. “No, I didn’t! It’s not my fault!” Barbara’s eyes narrowed. “It is Thomas, yo know it is. You could have been faster, you should have been with me. You should have protected me but you didn’t and now I’m dead.” Thomas let out a sob and shook his head. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Barbara shook her head, her brown curls bouncing, the tips soaked in blood. “It’s your fault Thomas, it’s your fault.”_

_Thomas backed away quickly. “I’m dead and it’s your fault. Thomas, you did this. Thomas, Thomas, Thomas.” Suddenly everything went quiet and then Barbara’s eyes widened and her body jerked. “You’re fault.” She whispered before she collapsed to the ground, a mixture of blood and beauty._

Thomas jerked awake, sitting up straight and breathing hard. Tears were falling down his face and he dropped his head in his hands trying to take calming breaths. His sister’s face burned into his memories, her voice piercing his heart.

“Thomas?” A sleep-laced voice asked beside him. Thomas in his panic had forgotten that Alastair was next to him, he let out a pitiful sound and closed his eyes tighter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I-I didn’t m-mean-” Thomas was cut off by the hysterical sob that escaped him.

Alastair sat up quickly, fumbling with the light switch next to him. “Thomas? Are you okay?” He asked distressed. Thomas couldn’t think of anything else but Barbara’s betrayed voice. “You killed me. You should have been faster.” Thomas was shaking and crying and he couldn’t breathe, he felt a hand on his back but could barely hear the words Alastair was saying.

Fingers grabbed his chin and forced Thomas to look at Alastair, desperation and fear in his eyes. “Thomas, what happened?” He asked, moving closer to Thomas who dropped his head helplessly on Alastair’s chest. “I killed her. It was my fault I killed her.” Alastair brought his arms around Thomas. “What are you talking about? You have to talk to me Thomas, who? Who did you kill?” Thomas shuddered and buried his head further into Alastair’s chest.

“Barbara! It’s my fault she was dead. She kept- she kept telling me it was my fault.” He broke off with another sob and felt Alastair’s arms tighten around him in a protective manner. “Oh Thomas.” He said sadly, one hand going up to run his fingers through Thomas’ hair. “That was not your fault Thomas. None of that was your fault. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

Thomas pulled away, staring at Alastair’s eyes, willing Alastair to understand. “No! I should have been with her, I should have moved faster, I should have helped her. I killed her Alastair, it was my fault.” Alastair’s eyes were watery now and he shook his head, pulling Tomas back against him. 

His face pressed against Alastair’s neck and Thomas couldn’t help the whimper that escaped his mouth. “Thomas I promise you none of that was your fault. There was no way you could have saved her, no one could. Oliver was right next to her and he couldn’t save her either. It was not your fault.” Thomas felt the hysteria leave him. He wanted to believe Alastair, he really did but he couldn’t bring himself to, not with Barbara’s voice whispering in his ear.

They sat in silence, the tears finally subsiding, until Thomas thought he might burn from the embarrassment he felt. He had not only had a nightmare in front of Alastair but had completely fallen apart. The only thing keeping him from dying on the spot was the fact that Alastair was still holding him, murmuring comforting things in his ear while he soothingly rubbed Thomas’ back.

Not wanting to pull away in fear of Alastair seeing how red he was, he mumbled a quiet ‘I’m sorry’ into Alastair’s neck. Alastair sighed and pulled back, Thomas immediately looked down but Alastair put a finger under his chin and gently lifted his head. “Don’t ever be sorry for feeling things Thomas, it was obvious you’ve been keeping this in.” Thomas closed his eyes, he wasn’t aware of how much he needed to hear that until someone said it.

“I’m here Thomas, if you ever need me. I’m here if you need to talk, or if you want to sit in silence. I’m here.” He said gently, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb. Thomas, now more overwhelmed with gratefulness instead of embarrassment, leaned forward and hugged Alastair tightly. “Thank you.” He said, tiredness abundant in his voice.

Alastair squeezed him gently before releasing him and laying back down. “Are you going to be okay?” He asked quietly. Thomas nodded slowly, laying down and sitting in silence for a minute before scooting closer to Alastair, craving the comfort and safety that came with Alastair. 

It only took a second for Alastair to react, opening his arms as an invitation. Thomas let out a breath and fell into them, curling up to Alastair’s side. Alastair slid his arms around Thomas’ waist. Just before he drifted off, comfort making it hard to fight off the needed sleep, he felt warm lips on top of his head.

“You’re okay now Thomas, I’ve got you.”


	16. Coming Out to Jem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kit comes out to Jem

Kit was very gay and very closeted. The only person who was aware of this was Ty who coincidentally was his boyfriend. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Jem and Tessa because he really did but his father had been terrible to Kit when he had found out. He loved Jem and Tessa more than anything other than Ty and he couldn’t deal with Jem and Tessa not supporting him.

He knew he needed to, he was terrible at keeping secrets anyway so when Ty had finally convinced him to tell them he was a mixture of terrified and relieved. He was terrified of how they were going to react but he was relieved to finally release the burden of having to keep it a secret.

When Jem sat down at dinner that night, Tessa having gone with Mina to visit the Lightwood-Bane’s Kit knew it was time. Jem was the first one he wanted to tell, they had gotten very close since he had first gotten there, Jem taught him a majority of the fighting skills he has, he had even talked Kit down from panic attacks. Kit knew in the back of his mind that Jem wouldn’t care, he was too calm and accepting to care.

Logically it made no sense to be terrified, they were best friends with the Lightwood-Bane’s anyhow, it didn’t make sense for his palms to sweat or his breathing to become uneven. He couldn’t help but think of the worse, it was different if the person that was gay was your son wasn’t it? Having a son who’s gay meant a lot more than having a friend who was.

Kit was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn’t realized it had been ten minutes since either of them had said anything. Kit snapped back to attention when he felt a warm hand on his forehead, he jumped and swung his head to see Jem standing over him, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Are you alright?” He asked, retracting his hand.

Looking down and cursing himself for losing his cool, Kit gave Jem the most convincing smile he could muster. “I’m fine.” Kit said softer than he meant to. He looked back down at his plate and watched out of the corner of his eye as Jem repositioned himself in the chair next to Kit instead of across from him. Kit could tell Jem wanted to ask what was wrong.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Kit couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “Are you going to say something?” Kit asked nervously, tapping his fingers on his legs, another thing he picked up from Ty. Jem looked at him with a calculation expression. “Do you want me to say something?” Jem asked calmly, watching Kit with contemplative eyes. 

Kit nodded in response, not trusting his voice since his throat had gone dry. “Okay,” Jem said, turning his eyes back to his plate. “Is there something you want to tell me?” Kit froze, there was no way he knew. He couldn’t. 

Jem had the ability to know what people were thinking without them saying anything. Kit suspected it came from all the years being a Silent Brother. “I-I no.” Kit said quickly, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

He suddenly wished he took Ty up on his offer to be with him when Kit told Jem. Kit flicked his eyes over to Jem who was sitting silently watching Kit, he let out an involuntary breath and slumped in his seat, eyes pointedly looking at the ceiling. 

“Yes.” He said quietly his hands wringing together nervously, Jem put a calming hand on his shoulder but that somehow just made it worse. “You’re okay take your time.” Jem said, his voice soothing in a way he knew calmed Kit. 

Kit took a deep breath before turning to Jem. “D-don’t-” He said struggling to find the words. “Just p-please don’t be m-mad.” He said stumbling over the words, shaking to the point his teeth were chattering. Jem fixed him with a concerned look and moved his hand from Kit’s shoulder to Kit’s hair, something else Jem knew calmed Kit considerably. Kit cursed, he really couldn’t afford to lose this.

“P-please don’t hate me.” Kit said, he could tell he was starting to get hysterical but he couldn’t tell Jem without the reassurance. Oh god. “I could never Kit, you know that.” Jem said with an increasingly worried expression. Kit let out a hysterical laugh and flopped back in his chair, his back hitting the chair painfully.

“I’m dating someone.” He said blandly, not quite the full truth but he would get there. Jem flashed him a smile and continued to run his hand through Kit’s hair. “I suspected as much. Who is it?” Jem asked pleasantly, Kit’s heart skipped a beat, and cleared his throat. Now or never.

“Ty.”

Kit couldn’t bring himself to look at Jem but after a few seconds which truly felt like hours or silence he looked up quickly to see Jem’s face. He didn’t seem to have a specific expression and Kit’s heart skipped again. No no no no.

Kit stood up abruptly, scrambling backward. No no no. Kit was shaking uncontrollably now. Jem wouldn’t hit him, he wouldn’t. Jem wasn’t like Johnny, he wouldn’t hurt him. Kit struggled to get air into his lungs and wished desperately that Ty was here. He needed Ty.

A hand landed on a shoulder and Kit yelped backing up. “Don’t hit me I’m sorry!” He begged before his brain caught up. He was gasping for air at this point, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks. Why had he told Jem? He was going to be kicked out now, how stupid was he?

“Kit, I need you to look at me. Kit please look at me.” Kit reluctantly brought his eyes up, he was still shaking but Jem wasn’t making a move to touch him so he met Jem’s eyes. “I’m not going to hit you, you know I would never do that. You shocked me is all, I’m sorry. I love you, I’ll always love you nothing can change that.” Kit let out a ragged breath but couldn’t get the air in his lungs, they were starting to burn in protest. 

Jem walked slowly to Kit, his hands raised. “Can I touch you? I’m not going to hurt you, just hug you.” Jem said quietly, his voice carefully caring. Kit just nodded, not having the oxygen for words. Jem wraps his arms around Kit securely and felt as Kit tensed before relaxing and sobbing into his chest.

Tightening his arms, Jem curses Johnny. He knew Kit had had a rough childhood but he hadn’t realized that Johnny hit him, he would have found him much quicker had he known. 

Kit gripped Jem as if his life depended on it. He couldn’t believe his luck when it came to Jem and Tessa, how he had gone from Johnny to them he would never understand. Kit had managed to get air in his lungs before Jem started talking, softly and slowly.

“You remember Will? My parabatai?” Kit’s face scrunched up in confusion but he nodded as Jem pulled them into the living room to sit on the couch. Kit leaned gratefully into Jem’s side. “Well, he was Tessa’s first husband and as you know we were all incredibly close…” Jem went quiet for a moment, and Kit slowly pieced together what he was trying to say. “We were closer than many people thought. Tessa and Will were in love and everyone knew Tessa and I were but no one except our six closest friends knew Will and I were in love too.”

Jem turned his head to Kit, his eyes sad and nostalgic. “There is nothing wrong with loving boys Kit. You needn’t worry about that, there will always be people who don’t agree but the important people, the people you need and that love you, they will accept it.” Jem leaned down and rested his head on Kit’s. “The people who don’t accept it or try to tell you it’s wrong or hit you for it.” Jem added softly, not missing the way Kit tensed slightly. “They don’t matter. What matters is you and who you love.”

Kit felt warm tears trailing down his face, he wasn’t alone. He hadn’t thought he would truly lose Jem but he never suspected he would have Jem’s absolute understanding. It occurred to him that Jem had worked out what happened when he was younger with Johnny but he knew Jem well enough to know that Jem wouldn’t force the conversation on him yet.

Kit tightened his arms around his dad. “Thank you.” Kit said quietly, it didn’t seem like enough but if the soft smile and the kiss on his hair was anything to go by, Jem understood. “Anytime, I love you Kit, no matter what, I’ll always love you.” Kit smiled and let his eyes close as he leaned against Jem.

“Just-” Kit started, biting his lip anxiously. “Just, please don’t tell Tessa yet. I’ll tell her soon but I just need a minute.” Jem laughed softly. “Of course, but just remember she loves you just as much.” Jem laughed again as he ran his fingers through Kit’s hair. “And just remember, she put up with me and Will for about a hundred years so she’s had experience in this field.”

Kit laughed softly and they went back to the comfortable silence. Kit was more grateful to Jem than anyone would ever know, he was more of a father to Kit than Johnny had ever been.

“So, when are you introducing him as your boyfriend?”


	17. "You're not okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kit x Ty

"Just stop it! You’re not okay so stop lying to me!” Kit yelled. Kit and Ty had started this as a normal conversation until Ty made a self-deprecating joke, something he seemed to do a lot since Livvy’s death, and Kit asked him what was wrong. Ty had laughed it off and changed the subject but Kit had had enough of Ty passing it off as nothing and asked again, which lead to them both angry and worked up.

“I am fine Kit stop acting like you know everything!” Ty yelled back, his grey eyes flashing dangerously. Kit took a step forward but refrained from poking his finger into Ty’s chest knowing that Ty would freak out if anyone touched him right now.

“You’re not fine, Ty! Anyone can see that you haven’t been fine in months!” He yelled desperately, he was angry but he hadn’t wanted to get into a fight with Ty. They rarely ever fought but when they did it was bad. “Ty I just want to help you and I can’t do that if you keep lying to me!” Kit said, his voice lowering marginally, Ty just glared.

“I don’t care what you want, you can’t help me because there’s nothing wrong.” He said enunciating each word carefully, Kit was practically shaking with anger. “Ty this isn’t how friendship works and it most certainly isn’t how relationships work. You’re supposed to tell me so I can help you.” Ty watched him for a second, his chest rising and falling quickly.

“Maybe if that’s what a relationship is I don’t want it.” Ty said viciously, Kit couldn’t help taking a step back at the comment as if Ty had pushed him. “Ty you don’t mean that.” Kit said carefully, a lump rising in his throat. He wished he had never said anything, damn his big mouth.

Ty sent him a look that could have killed him. “Don’t you dare tell me what I mean, Christopher.” Kit flinched again at the name. Ty never called him that, especially since he told Ty it bothered him because Johnny called him that when he was mad and drunk. Ty didn’t even look apologetic.

“Ty-” He started but Ty held a hand up to stop him. “I’m done, you can’t force me and I am fine you should have left it there. If I had wanted you to know I would have told you. It is none of your business so stop bothering people. Why can’t you understand when people don’t want you around!” Those words pierced right through Kit’s chest, his heart breaking with every syllable. 

Ty froze, eyes widening as if sensing he had gone too far. “Kit,” Ty started but this time it was Kit who stopped him, his chest rising and falling rapidly as tears gathered in his eyes. “Don’t.” Kit said, his voice breaking embarrassingly from the effort it took to hold back the tears that were trying to escape. 

“I didn’t mean-” Kit shook his head, tears slowly starting to flow. “Please.” Kit said in a broken voice. Ty closed his eyes and his face twisted up like it did when he was upset. “Kit I really didn’t-” Kit let out a pitiful sob and Ty’s eyes flew open.  
“You were right though!” Kit said, his voice abandoning the quiet tone it had taken previously. “Oh god you’re right it wasn’t my place and I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry I wasn’t- you weren’t-” Ty walked up to him cautiously, eyes dancing across his face. “Kit you and I both know I didn’t mean it. I was just upset.” Ty said quietly.

Kit took one look at Ty and saw that Ty was crying too, he felt his face crumble and put his hands up to cover it. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Kit repeated, his entire body was shaking and he felt a little lightheaded.

“I’m sorry I’ll go. I’m so sorry.” Kit whimpered, turning and wiping his face quickly. Ty grabbed his arm and Kit’s whole body tensed, Ty was looking at him desperately but he let go when he registered Kit’s reaction. His hands played with the sleeves of his oversized sweater. “Don’t go. Kit please don’t leave me.” Kit let out a frantic laugh at the situation.

Carefully, he reached for Ty’s hands which Ty willingly let him take. Kit stepped closer and let go of one of Ty’s hands so he could wipe the tears falling from his face, Ty leaned into the touch and Kit closed his eyes.  
They stayed silent until Kit wrapped his arms loosely around Ty’s neck, on his tiptoes so he could rest his face in the crook of Ty’s neck. Ty held him back tightly and Kit in response tightened his arms as well. “Please just tell me what’s going on.” Kit asked quietly, feeling bad fr pushing it but needing an answer.

Ty sighed before nuzzling his face in Kit’s hair. “I didn’t mean to say that, I really didn’t, it was just on my mind and I was thinking it about myself, not you and it just came out.” Kit let his hand drift up and he played with Ty’s hair, encouraging him to keep going. “I just- She was the only one who never judged me for that. She was the only one who was genuinely never bothered by me and my questions and she’s gone and I can’t- I don’t-” 

Kit shushed him gently and pulled away, his hands coming up to hold Ty’s face. Kit tilted his head up slightly so their foreheads rested against each other. “Ty, first of all, you can’t hold all that in. When you keep it to yourself it festers and get’s so much worse. Secondly, she may have been the only one to never get fed up but I think that’s a twin thing. People will always get annoyed and most of the time it isn’t even your fault okay?” He paused waiting for Ty to acknowledge it. 

Ty grabbed Kit’s hand and laced their fingers together. “We are all here for you, you don’t annoy us, or bother us, or anything else you think. We love you the way you are and none of us would wish to change you. This is the kind of thing we’re here for, you don’t have to bottle it up because you have people who care.” 

Kit leaned up slightly and kissed Ty softly before pulling him back into a hug. “That’s what I’m here for Ty. I don’t care if it takes yelling or if you get mad at me, I’ll always be here. I’m not going anywhere.” He felt Ty sob and tightened his hold, dragging him without force over to the bed.

Ty pulled away long enough to let Kit get on the bed before climbing on and curling up to Kit’s side, his head resting on Kit’s chest. Kit kissed him on the forehead before wiping his eyes again and winding his fingers through Ty’s silky black hair. 

Ty slung his arm over Kit’s stomach and let out a tired sigh. Kit brushed the hair out of his eyes and dropped a kiss on his hair. “Go to sleep, you look exhausted.” Kit whispered, watching Ty with a fond smile. Ty laughed tiredly and rubbed Kit’s side with his thumb. “Thanks.” He said sarcastically.

Kit laughed and shook his head. “You know I think you always look good.” Ty turned his head slightly and kissed Kit’s chest before cuddling back and closing his eyes. Kit let out a contented sigh, wondering if the butterflies Ty always brought would ever go away. He hoped not.

With that Kit allowed his eyes to close peacefully.


	19. Hugs from behind + Late night conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kit x Ty

"Kit sat at the desk in Ty’s room with hunched shoulders and a headache the size of Alaska. He had been trying to get the Shadowhunter history down, Julian had volunteered to be the one to teach him and he felt bad for not doing good because that meant extra work for Julian, but for some reason, his brain simply couldn’t remember anything when it came to history. Julian wouldn’t really mind and Kit knew that but he still felt bad enough that he tried to study at least an hour a night. 

Ty was reading on his bed, Kit had his back to him but knowing Ty was there was always immensely relaxing so he usually studied in Ty’s room. Kit had a large suspicion that Ty was reading Sherlock, it seemed to be a comfort book for him, and Kit mentally reminded himself for the umpteenth time to introduce Ty to the show and movies based on Sherlock Holmes.

Kit let out an exasperated sigh and flopped back in his chair, running his hands over his face. He had been reading this history book for about two hours and his eyes felt like they were melting. Kit sat forward again and rested his elbows on the table, his hands coming up to rub his temples, hoping to soothe his raging headache. 

Someone’s arms snaked around his middle and he felt Ty’s face on his neck. Kit hummed and leaned back against Ty, who kissed him on the head. “You’ve been at that forever, why don’t you come to bed?” Ty murmured against his neck, Kit shuddered and tilted his head back until it lolled on Ty’s shoulder. 

Ty was watching him with a fond smile and Kit couldn’t help the answering smile that grew on his face. “I’m almost done.” Kit said, his eyes closing against the light, his head throbbing. Ty leaned down and adjust his grip so he could hug Kit tighter, Kit laid his arms over Ty’s and smiled. “You’re head hurting?” Ty asked softly, Kit just hummed non-committedly. Ty sighed and retracted his hands, moving in front of Kit to help him up. 

Kit didn’t put up much fight and grabbed Ty’s hands and stood up. Kit took a step before stopping and resting his head on Ty’s chest with a groan, his hands shooting to his head with a curse. Ty tightened his hold on Kit and guided him gently to the bed. 

Once Kit was sufficiently nestled in the bed, Ty stood up and went to get his stele and Kit’s history book and drew a quick iratze on Kit’s neck. Kit sighed as the pain ebbed away and propped himself up as Ty settled behind him. 

He laid back and rested his head in Ty’s lap while Ty looked down at him and kissed his forehead. “Do you want me to read it to you? I know you won’t stop until you finish the chapter and I would rather you not have another headache.” Ty said and Kit couldn’t resist the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. Ty had always been a thoughtful person but he was always so considerate with Kit it never ceased to amaze him.

Ty ran his fingers through Kit’s curls and Kit sighed settling further in Ty’s lap as he began to read. Kit couldn’t really focus and was aware he kept dozing off, only catching snippets of Jonathan Shadowhunter and parabatai and demons before he shook his head groaning and reached up to close the book that Ty was reading from.

Kit pulled the book towards him and tossed it to the end of the bed ignoring Ty’s eyebrow that was raised in amusement. Kit shuffled slightly and brought the blankets up to his shoulders as he flipped to his stomach so he could curl into Ty’s side. Ty readjusted as well, slipped further down the bed so he was under the covers.

Ty lifted an arm in welcome and Kit rested his head on Ty’s chest. “Love you.” He mumbled sleepily, Ty laughed and rested his head on Kit’s. “I love you too.” Ty said in his ear, Kit shuddered and wondered if he would ever get used to that.

“What time is it?” Kit asked, yawning as Ty reached over and pickup up his phone. “It’s one-thirty.” Kit nodded, no wonder he was exhausted. Ty tapped his forehead a few times before he kissed him one more time and settled back against the pillows.

Kit hummed contentedly. He could spend his whole life with Ty, sure they had fights and disagreements but moments like these make all of it worth it. Ty brought out the best in Kit, he was tamer and always wanted to do his best for Ty. He hoped he made up for that.

“I love you.” Kit said happily, Ty laughed and Kit smiled wider. “You just said that, I still love you too.”

Kit closed his eyes and smiled, shaking his head. “No, I love you. I love you more than you’ll ever know. I love when you laugh, not the one you normally use, but the one you use when you genuinely find something funny. I love the way your entire soul lights up when you see or talk about animals. I love the way you go out of your way to help people and when they’re mean about it you can just shake it off. I love that you sat outside of my room when I first got here because you didn’t want me to be lonely. I love that you choose to trust me from the get-go. I think in all honesty Ty you had my heart or at least half of it since you held that knife to my throat.”

Ty was silent for a minute and Kit opened his eyes with a frown. Had he said something wrong? “Ty?” Kit asked, turning to look at his boyfriend who now had a few tears rolling down his face. Kit cursed and scrambled to his knees in front of Ty, cradling his face between Kit’s hands. “Hey don’t cry, babe I’m sorry please don’t cry.” Ty let out a watery laugh and buried his head in Kit’s chest.

Kit was sure that Ty would be able to hear or feel his racing heartbeat but he didn’t mind much, he just brought his hands around Ty and pulled him closer. He held him for a moment until Ty pulled back and wiped his face, laughing lightly.

“I love you too, more than you can even comprehend in that pretty little head of yours.” Ty said sweetly, poking Kit lightly in the forehead, drawing a laugh from the blonde. “I love your smile and how only certain people get to see your real one, I love how it lights up any room. I love how you throw your head back when you find something really funny. I love how you scrunch your nose up when you disagree with something but are trying to hold your tongue. I love your love for photography and need to stop at every moment of the day to take random pictures that somehow always turn out to be incredible.” Kit laughed at that, now understanding exactly why Ty had cried, feeling his own tears welling up in his eyes. “I love you inside and out Christopher Herondale and I hope you don’t ever forget that.” 

Kit was silent for a few moments and Ty smirked at him as if he was proving a point. Kit laughed as a tear slipped down his cheek. He kissed Ty soundly on the mouth, trying to convey the words he couldn’t think of. Ty kissed back the same way, his arms coming around Kit’s waist as Kit loosely clasped his hands behind Ty’s back, his arm resting on Ty’s shoulders. Kit was bent backward slightly but he didn’t mind.

When Ty pulled away, Kit couldn’t help the beaming smile that spread across his face. Ty laughed again and kissed his forehead as Kit yawned again. Ty pulled Kit down on top of him so they were laying chest to chest and Kit grabbed Ty’s hand, playing with his fingers. “It’s late and I’m tired and I know you are and as much as I would love to continue this conversation we are both too exhausted to without crying so goodnight Kit.” Kit laughed against Ty and kissed his chest softly before turning and resting his cheek against it. “Goodnight Ty.” He said softly, the pull of sleep too hard to ignore.

Before he fell asleep he felt a soft kiss on his head and heard a whispered, “I love you.”


	20. Coming Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomastair

Alastair shifted nervously from foot to foot and absentmindedly picked at his fingers. He was about to come out to his family, Cordelia of course already knew but he was more worried about his father’s reaction. He had brought Thomas as moral support because he truly didn’t believe that he would get through it without Thomas being there.

Someone grabbed his hands and Alastair tensed before realizing it was Thomas, he threw him a sheepish smile and Thomas smiled back. “You have to stop picking babe, you’re making yourself bleed.” Alastair frowned and looked down at his hands which were indeed starting to bleed. Alastair frowned at them and Thomas sighed before tilting Alastair’s head up with his finger.

“You’ve got this, if anything goes wrong Cordelia and I will be right there okay?” Thomas leaned forward and kissed Alastair’s forehead, Alastair sighed and relaxed against him breathing deeply. 

Alastair pulled away and straightened his shirt before throwing Thomas one more anxious glance and walking in. Cordelia was standing in the hall with Sona talking animatedly with her hands, she cast a look at her brother and smiled encouragingly as Thomas shut the door behind them. 

“Where’s father?” Alastair asked softly, Sona turned to her son with bright eyes. “He should be getting back any-” The door opened behind them and Alastair jumped slightly, turning to see his father walking in. “Time.” Sona finished with a laugh that sounded so much like Cordelia that Alastair couldn’t help the smile that turned up the corners of his mouth. 

“I have something I’d like to speak to you about.” He said glancing between his mother and father. Cordelia stilled as Sona smiled at Alastair, Elias turned to Alastair with an empty expression that sent his stomach plummeting. His hands shook and he made them into fists in an attempt to stop them, Thomas looked torn and Alastair knew Thomas was wishing he could touch him but he was glad when Thomas didn’t.

Alastair walked stiffly to the sitting room and let out a breath as Thomas stood next to his chair, a silent presence that he was eternally grateful for. Cordelia sat down in front of him as if she could physically shield him from his father’s reaction. Sona sat on the couch opposite them, Elias joining a moment later.

They watched him as he tried to get his thoughts together, his palms were sweating and his heart was racing. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to talk only to close it again as he lost his nerve. His father watched him distastefully. “Spit it out, boy.” He said tightly, his eyes watching Alastair with a loathing he could never understand. 

“I-I’m,” He paused, his heart rate spiking and he glanced nervously at Thomas who smiled reassuringly at him, he felt Cordelia squeeze his hand in encouragement. “I’m gay.” He finally spit out, his eyes snapping shut so he didn’t have to see their reactions.

After an exceedingly long stretch of silence, Alastair opened his eyes. His mother was watching him with sad but kind eyes, his father’s face was carefully blank. “Oh Alastair,” His mom said quietly, standing up to come over to him. “Alastair, it’s okay.” She reached out and placed a warm hand on his shoulder, he gave her a relieved smile. 

It was short-lived though, his father shook his head slowly, his eyes trained carefully on Alastair. “No.” He said simply, his voice oddly calm. Alastair swallowed heavily and felt Thomas drop a comforting hand on his shoulder, it didn’t go unseen by his father. “No. I will not have a child who is gay.” Elias said, his calm facade starting to crack. 

“Elias-” Sona started but was cut off when Elias stood suddenly. “I suggest you fix this quickly.” He snarled. Alastair stood up, feeling too intimidated sitting down. “Father I cannot ‘fix this’, it’s who I am and I refuse to keep acting like it isn’t.” Elias threw him a look that reminded him of a death glare.

“If you do not drop this you will not be living here anymore, nor will you be my son. I will not have a son who is gay.” He spat the word as if it were the devil himself. Alastair flinched and automatically looked at Thomas who had his fists clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed dangerously at Elias.

Sona stepped forward quickly, placing a hand on her husband’s chest. “Honestly Elias, we can figure this out, there is no need to get rid of anyone.” Thomas moved to Alastair’s side and Elias ignored Sona’s words instead, zoning in on Thomas.

Alastair stepped in front of Thomas but his father ignored it. “You,” He started, his eyes never wavering from Thomas’s handsome face. “You did this. You confused him, you should rot in hell for this.” Alastair glared at his father and grabbed Thomas’s hand tightly, Thomas squeezed back. 

“He did nothing wrong here. If you choose to be mad at someone, be mad at me.” Elias’s eyes flashed and he was in front of Alastair in seconds. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m not mad at you.” He said venomously. “I am furious with you.” He said and his hand was coming up before Alastair knew what was happening.

Alastair closed his eyes tightly and awaited the blow. The blow however never came but he still heard the sound of Elias’s fist hitting something and Cordelia gasping loudly as Sona shrieked. Alastair snapped his eyes open and found Thomas standing in front of him, his hand on his jaw.

Red took over Alastair’s vision as he realized his father had actually struck Thomas, it was evident he hadn’t meant to and that Thomas stepped in front of him but that just fueled his anger. Poor, protective, self-sacrificing Thomas took the blow that was meant for himself.

Stepping dangerously close to Elias, Alastair leveled him with a look of such fury that Elias took a physical step back. “I suggest you get a grip on yourself father. If you so much as look at Thomas the wrong way again by the angel I swear I will end you.” Elias’s eyes widened but Alastair didn’t back down. “He had it coming, the poof.” 

Alastair was in Elias’s face in two seconds flat, his hands holding on tightly to the front of his father’s shirt, his mouth close to his father’s ears. “If you so much as talk badly to anyone in this room I will have you in the Silent City faster than you could say ‘poof’.” Alastair said threateningly.

Alastair stepped back and grabbed Thomas’ arm before leaving the house quickly. He threw a look at Cordelia over his shoulder, silently telling her he’d talk to her later and she gave him a swift nod, her face set in anger.

Once they were about ten minutes away from their house Thomas put a hand on Alastair’s arm to stop him. “Alastair,” He said in a low voice. “Are you okay?” Alastair glared at Thomas, his voice coming out sharper than he meant it to. “Of course I’m not bloody okay, I was just kicked out for something you made me do that I didn’t want to even do in the first place.” Thomas flinched back as if Alastair had struck him and Alastair cursed aloud, having forgotten that his father had actually struck him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that, I’m angry at my father, not you.” Thomas nodded slowly, his eyes downcast in a way that made Alastair’s stomach sink. Alastair sighed and walked up to Thomas, pulling him closer so he could hug him. “I’m sorry Thomas you didn’t deserve that. I did want to, you didn’t force me to do anything.” He said into Thomas’s shoulder. Thomas shuddered and held him tighter.

Alastair pulled away and turned to look at Thomas’s face. His jaw was already turning a nasty shade of purple, Alastair cursed again. “Thomas I’m so sorry, you didn’t have to get in the way look at what he’s done.” Alastair said sadly, gently tracing along Thomas’s jaw with his thumb. Thomas just sighed and leaned into the touch. “I’m quite alright Alastair, better me than you.” 

Shaking his head Alastair rested his head against Thomas’s chest. “That was terrible. Where am I possibly going to go now? I can’t go to the Institute and I really haven’t many friends.” Thomas shook his head and wrapped his arms protectively around Alastair in a way that made him feel safer than it should.

“Nonsense Alastair, you shall stay with us.” Alastair tensed and tilted his head up to meet Thomas’ brown eyes. “Thomas I can’t do that.” Alastair said sadly, memories of evil words spoken aloud echoing in his ears. Thomas gave him a challenging look. “And why not?” Alastair looked at him incredulously. “Thomas, you giant dolt, why do you think? I can’t stay with your parents. Not after- not after what I’ve done.” Thomas shook his head viciously.

“That’s not true, they love you.” Alastair sighed and thought about how kind they had been to him as of late. “Yes, but that’s because they don’t know what I’ve done.” Thomas was quiet for a moment before tightening his grip and stating quietly, “Yes they do.” 

Alastair froze and slowly turned his head toward Thomas’s. “Sorry come again?” He asked quietly, Thomas scratched the back of his neck. “They do know, Matthew told them when they asked him what was wrong with me. They know and Alastair they’ve forgiven you a long time ago. They are well aware of the person you are now and how different that person is from the person you used to be.” Alastair let that sink in. 

Sophie and Gideon had known about what he had said, the rumor he’d spread, and they were still nice to him? It made sense now why they were so weary at first but Alastair didn’t understand how they were so kind to him after that. Gideon especially had gone out of his way to make Alastair feel welcome and appreciated. 

“Why was your father so-” He broke off trying to think of the word. “Kind?” Thomas asked lightly, Alastair nodded refusing to meet Thomas’s gaze. “I’m quite certain he sees himself in you.” Thomas said shrugging, his hand coming up to rub his jaw. 

Alastair looked at him confused. “What could he possibly see in me that reminds him of himself?” Alastair asked, taken aback that this kind, brave, inspirational man could ever find something in common with someone like him.

Thomas turned his eyes on Alastair, his eyes soft and fond, Alastair truly loved it when Thomas looked at him like that. “You two are quite alike actually, more so than you know.” Alastair threw him a desperately confused look and Thomas just shook his head a little. “I’m afraid that that will wait for another day, I’m sure he would be happy to talk to you about it though. Now, we should go home.” Thomas said, grabbing Alastair’s hand, gently guiding him to the Lightwood’s.

He was worried about his mother and sister but he knew that Elias would never hurt them, he truly loved his wife and daughter, it seemed Alastair was the only one he didn’t like. Well, dislike was a bit of an understatement. 

Alastair sighed as he let Thomas’s words ring in his head. He was going home now, to the Lightwood’s, with Thomas.

He was going home.


	21. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomastair

_Dirty tissues, trust issues_

_Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you_

_Lonely pillows in a strangers bed_

_Little voices in my head_

Thomas stared at the glass in front of him, he had stolen whiskey and rum from Matthew in hopes of drowning out the memories. He didn’t want to remember, he wanted everything to go away. He wanted to forget what the pain felt like, what Alastair felt like.

He couldn’t stand being in his bed anymore, not after all the nights spent there with Alastair, not with all the memories. He couldn’t escape from the memories, they were everywhere, he felt so utterly trapped.

Thomas threw the rest of the drink back and reveled in the burning sensation it sent down his throat. He wanted to drown out all the voices, all the promised whispers in the dead of night. He wanted to drown out the music Alastair played for him, he wanted to drown.

Tears were streaming down his face but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore. With a shuddering breath, Thomas threw the glass at the wall with all his strength. His back slid down the opposite wall as he let out the sobs he had been holding in, the glass shards everywhere.

He knew that feeling, shattering, his heart was all too familiar with it.

_Secret keeping, stop the bleeding_

_Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating_

_All the_ _songs that I can't listen to, to tell the truth_

Alastair had always hated secrets, he wondered if that’s why he hated himself. His whole life, his whole existence felt like one big secret.

He couldn’t tell anyone about his father, he couldn’t tell anyone about Charles, he could’ve told people about Thomas but after so many lies and secrets what was one more? He should have seen it, it shouldn’t have surprised him. He shouldn’t have a bleeding heart right now, he should be with Thomas, laughing in bed. He should be eating lunch right now at a surprise picnic with Thomas instead of ignoring the meals outside his door.

Alastair couldn’t find it in him to get out of bed, he couldn’t find it in him to abandon the place he and Thomas had spent so much time. It felt as if he were giving up on Thomas, on the memories, the whispers, if he were to get out of bed and move on.

He used to play music when he was upset, his piano was right outside his room but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t play the piano, not after all the songs he made for Thomas that Thomas would never get to hear.

He won’t play anymore, no one could make him. He only ever wanted to play for Thomas but if he can’t play for him he won’t play for anyone.

_Loving you was young, and wild, and free_

_Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet_

Thomas closed his eyes tightly, his fisted hands pressing hard into his eyes until he saw stars instead of eyelids. He didn’t want these memories, not anymore, but he couldn’t stop them from flooding in.

He saw flashes of Paris, Alastair walking excitedly in front of him, the wind blowing his hair around. He saw Alastair’s smile as they snuck into the movie theatre, his free smile as he told Thomas animatedly about how amazing mundanes were to have come up with such a contraption.

Thomas felt tears cascading down his cheeks as he pictured the lake they had swam in, on a hot day. The cold water felt good on their skin but it felt better when Alastair’s skin was on his. He felt as if he was finally cooling down for once that summer while also getting hotter than he’d ever been as Alastair kissed him passionately, his legs wrapped around Thomas’s middle as he kept them afloat.

The shy, hesitant kisses they shared in the cover of night. The sweet looks they shared that no one but them understood. Thomas punched the wall trying to draw his physical pain above his emotional pain. He didn’t want to think of their secrets, their inside jokes. 

He didn’t want to think about Alastair’s carefree smile that only Thomas got to see. He didn’t want to think about the nights where they broke down. He didn’t want to think about the fights they shared when they were under too much pressure. He didn’t want to think about the tears that ran down Alastair’s face the last time he saw him. Thomas didn’t want to think about the way Alastair’s face crumbled when Thomas slammed the door behind him.

Thomas didn’t want to think.

_Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound_

_A steady place to let down my defenses_

_But loving you had consequences_

Alastair wanted it back. He wanted Thomas back, the memories, the smiles. He wanted his bright spot back, he was drowning in darkness and Thomas was the only one who was ever able to get him out of it. 

He wanted to be okay again, he wanted his sanctuary. He wanted that warm safe feeling he always got with Thomas. He wanted Thomas to be there for him like he was when Alastair came out to his father, like he was when Charles wouldn’t leave him alone.

Alastair was tired of having to hide his emotions, he was tired of hiding himself. He wanted to go back to being able to be himself without fear of judgment when he was with Thomas. He wanted Paris back, being allowed to love mundane things because Thomas understood and liked them too. He missed being able to be himself.

But loving Thomas came with its faults. The shouting when they should’ve been asleep. Thomas stumbling in late drunk because he was with Matthew. Alastair’s insecurities taking over and making him defensive and mean.

They had their faults and things that were wrong but Alastair couldn’t help but believe that they were worth the fights, they deserved to be happy and they were happy with each other.

He just wished Thomas felt that too.

_Hesitation, awkward conversation_

_Running on low expectation_

Thomas hated parties, he hated weddings and meetings. He hated seeing everyone and pretending he was fine when he was falling apart. He hated seeing Alastair who looked just as broken as Thomas did.

He hated how little he expected from people now, how he felt bad every time he said something jokingly. He hated that he watched what he said around everyone in fear of them being upset by it after having spent so long with Alastair who took everything to heart. 

Thomas used to think it was endearing, he thought he would be able to show Alastair that Thomas only ever wanted him. He had wanted so many things for Alastair but time wore them down and it became more problematic than endearing.

He got tired of constantly having to reassure Alastair, he was tired of Alastair being mean when he got defensive.

He was tired.

_Every siren that I was ignoring_

_I'm payin' for it_

Alastair beat himself up for missing the signs. He should’ve seen the red flags. He should have seen the silence for the screams they were. He should have noticed when Thomas spent less time with him. 

He should have noticed when Thomas started spiraling. He should have noticed Thomas’s tear-stained cheeks and swollen eyes instead of the drink in his hand. He should have noticed when Thomas got in his own head.

Thomas deserved someone who would notice those things and Alastair couldn’t help agreeing that he wasn’t good enough for that. He couldn’t help agreeing that Thomas deserved so much more than him.

_Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap_

_Loving you will still take shots at me_

Thomas cursed himself for falling for Alastair’s sweet words and his secretive personality. He cursed himself for falling into the mysterious boy no one truly knew anything about. Thomas cursed himself for being so dumb and falling for all of Alastair’s tricks, all the lies about love.

He didn’t want to love Alastair anymore, not after what he said, but the worst part is that he still loved him. He loved Alastair and it would haunt him forever, he wasted so long on a boy who never even loved him. 

How could Alastair love him if he believed all the rumors. How could Alastair love Thomas and still betray the trust they build. How could Alastair love Thomas and still ruin his parent’s and best friend’s lives?

He couldn’t. 

_Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured_

_And I lost so much more than my senses_

_'Cause loving you had consequence_

Alastair walked around as if nothing ever happened, he smiled at acquaintances, played with his little brother, helped Cordelia.

He found new sunshine since Thomas had ripped his away. It had been raining so long that he didn’t remember what it was like not to be drowning. He had lost so much when he lost Thomas, he lost parts of himself he didn’t even know about.

He missed Thomas and didn’t think he’d ever get over it but he learned how to fake it. He learned how to be ‘happy’ around Thomas. He learned how to keep himself together until he was by himself at night. 

Thomas was happy now and that was all that had ever really mattered. He would have fought for Thomas if he deserved him but Alastair didn’t because he wasn’t.

He sat and wished more than anything that Thomas would change his mind, that Thomas would realize he still loved Alastair. He waited for it and when it didn’t happen, Alastair realized that he would never stop waiting.

Alastair would spend forever waiting for Thomas because Thomas was worth that.


End file.
